As parents, we spend a fair amount of time agonizing over our mistakes. Certainly, we would have done many things differently. If only we hadn’t been grown children ourselves when we made our relationship choices and eventually married. Most of us had no idea our marriages would end. If we had, we wouldn’t have walked […]
People Facebook me. People text me. People e-mail me. People call me.
We have one thing in common.
They want to know why it is that they can’t get over the person they love and are losing.
They are reaching out to the right person. I am an expert in not getting over love. I am an expert in staying too long! I am an expert in the inability to let go. I am an expert in denial.
I am an expert in broken hearts.
The 4 Reasons We Can’t Get over a Broken Heart:
1. What it says about your heart – After we lost my mother, we found a quote that she had written several places – “What the heart has once owned it shall never lose.” Of course, we all knew this was a nod to our father. She had loved and lost him, but she had never let go of him. The heart wants what it wants. It is a muscle that when in excellent shape is difficult to contend with. It will not let go. This is an attribute of the heart most of the time. Thankfully, it means fierce love. The type every individual deserves. Unfortunately, it also means this tough muscle won’t let go of any love…even when it has been proven time and time again that it must for its own survival.
2. What is says about you – Letting go of love isn’t just about the other person. It also dictates that the significant other recognize the failure to make it work. It doesn’t matter what made it fail. Nor does it matter who made it fail. And who is to say, that there is really failing in love? Even though it feels that way. Perhaps, it’s not failing at love. Perhaps it’s passing love. The kind that meets us when we need it and recognizes when it limits us. The kind of love that gets a person through until the next love is meant to walk in.
3. What is says about your dreams – It’s difficult to re-write a life script that started in youth. A time when dreams were built on idealism. A time when one thought they would do far better than their parents. Only to find out they are simply as human and capable of many of the same mistakes. A broken heart means that life and dreams took an unexpected twist. It’s difficult, no…it’s impossible to give up on dreams, especially the dreams that started in youth or the beginning of love.
4. What it says about your foundation – Let’s face it. When we meet the one we love, it is as if we have known them forever. When we lose them, we don’t remember when we didn’t know them. So it feels as if we are losing forever, our own forever. The only thing we remember. It’s as if a part of our life never existed because we have to let go of all the memories. They have become forbidden memories. They are pictures that now show a person who no longer belongs. It is not a memory any longer, but rather an illusion of a life that was not meant to be. It is a broken family. It is a broken foundation. It is the one member of our family that life tells us we will never connect with again. Unlike family that argues, judges, distances, loves and then heals and loves once again. There will be no healing and love. A part of the foundation is gone – forever.
Sadly, this leads us to becoming an expert in broken hearts.
And because absolutely NO one wants to be an expert in broken hearts, it leads to resistance.
And, therefore, we decide that we have no intention nor desire to get over that broken heart.
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