Today is the last day of this column on Beliefnet.com. After over 12 years of daily writings on Beliefnet, I’m moving on. I thank God for this wonderful experience. As far as I’ve been told, I’m the last original Beliefnet contributing editor and writer; everyone else is new. Now, however, I need to make some […]
Yesterday, I described my friend’s new diet, yes, the dreaded “D-word” as she put it. It’s a VLCD, or Very Low Calorie Diet program that you purchase, that’s subsidized by the company she works for. Doctor supervised, she says a lot of people in her office, and her neighborhood have been on it. “Just mention it in a crowd and there are a lot of nodding heads.”
What I wanted to know is if the 27 pounds she has lost have made her happy. She said she was definitely glad to have lost them. She hates the diet though, “it’s very hard and there’s no pleasure in it,” she reports. She doesn’t look forward to meals, and is really tid of the boxed, pre made, heat-and-eat “entrees.”
I asked her about her emotional life, while on the diet. “Same old, same old,” she lamented. She admits not being very happy, as she is lonely. She lives alone, and would really like to have a relationship, but doesn’t have one. She has tried the online dating thing, but says “there aren’t many guys on it that are my age, and you find someone interesting, and trade emails, and nothing happens. Or you get all dolled up and go out, and he’s a sincere loser.” She says she’s tired of getting all dolled up and making a huge effort, and she still is lonely in the end.
I really feel for her. It’s clear this extreme weight loss program she is on is to try to counteact difficult feelings she has about herself. I think she’s still under the “if I only weighed less, I’d get a relationship” mindset.
While there may be some truth in that, looking good, being healthy does indeed contribute to a better sense of confidence, that’s not the core problem, in my estimation.
I’ve always found that starting with the main problem and focusing on it, will help the sideffects go away. In other words, I know my friend has a very low sense of self worth. Seeing that she has gone on weight loss programs before, lost lots of weight, and still felt bad about herself and gained it all back — this time, this program is unlikely to change that.
I said in one of my workshops long ago, “don’t wait until you’re thinner to be happy. Be happier now and then you’ll get thinner because of it.”
She says she knows that.
More tomorrow… See you then.