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David is reactive. He vents his anger regularly and is quick to explode when he is stressed. Lisa is highly anxious and finds herself ruminating on the “what ifs” of life. It’s hard to have a conversation that doesn’t include catastrophic thinking. Both people struggle with emotional regulation. Their emotions get the best of them.…

How many times do we ask people, “How are you feeling?” Is that a good question? Should we be asking this question on a regular basis? The answer may surprise you. Of course, we want to be attuned to emotional needs. But when we keep asking how a child feels moment to moment in a…

We hear a lot about emotionally intelligent people Who are they and how can we find them? Emotional intelligence (EI) is the ability to be aware of your own feelings and those of another person. It allows you to understand your feelings and to use your understanding as a guide for decisions and actions. It…

In doing couples coaching, I draw heavily on the three decades of research by John Gottman, Robert Levenson and colleagues at the Gottman Institute. This group has contributed much to our understanding of healthy relationships through their research with couples. Gottman describes couples as “masters” or “disasters” of relationships. As you would guess, “the masters of…
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