For seven years my husband and I experienced infertility. Like many couples, we fell into the “unexplained” category, which affects a small but real percentage of those trying to conceive. Two and a half years into the process of trying to conceive, I finally became pregnant but then miscarried. This brought me to a crisis of faith.

What did I really believe about God and His goodness?  Clichés and platitudes no longer worked.  It took intention to put into action the words of the Gospel and engage in healthy coping.

Research in psychology and reproductive health confirms that miscarriage is not just a medical event. It is a significant emotional loss. Studies show many women experience symptoms of grief, anxiety, depression, and even post-traumatic stress. This means the pain you feel is not an overreaction; it is a normal human response to loss.

Here are 10 ways to navigate that grief:

• Acknowledge your feelings
  Don’t pretend that because you are a Christian you don’t feel the pain of loss. The loss of a child is significant and should be acknowledged. Suppressing grief can intensify distress over time. Research in grief psychology shows that naming and accepting emotions, sadness, anger, guilt, supports healthier long-term coping. Miscarriage represents the loss of a hoped-for future, and that deserves recognition. You do not need to minimize your pain to be strong or faithful.
• Embrace the pain but don’t let it ruin your life. Loss hurts. I didn’t walk around pretending I was fine. I wasn’t. Mother’s Day was difficult. Seeing my friends pregnant was depressing, and baby showers seemed cruel. I was in pain. But I had a choice to allow that pain to define me or move through the pain and continue to engage with those I loved.
• Allow yourself to grieve fully
  Avoidance (pretending you’re “fine”) is linked to prolonged grief symptoms. It is normal for certain situations like holidays, baby showers, pregnancy announcements to trigger sadness. These are reminders of what was lost. Giving yourself permission to feel, rather than avoid, helps your brain process the experience and gradually reduce its intensity.
• Seek meaning and connection
  Studies suggest that meaning making, relationships, or personal reflection, can reduce the intensity of grief. For people of faith, practices like prayer, journaling, or reading scripture can support emotional regulation and resilience.
• Don’t isolate—lean on support
  Social support is one of the strongest protective factors against depression after pregnancy loss. Talking with a trusted friend, partner, counselor, or support group can reduce feelings of loneliness and shame. Many people find healing in simply being heard and validated.
• Practice self-compassion
  Research led by psychologists like Kristin Neff shows that self-compassion which is treating yourself with kindness rather than judgment, reduces anxiety and depression. Miscarriage often brings feelings of “What did I do wrong?” but medically, most miscarriages are caused by chromosomal abnormalities beyond anyone’s control. Replacing self-blame with gentleness is crucial.
• Become desperate for God and begin to move in His power. We overcome trials by the power of the Holy Spirit living in us. As we develop deeper intimacy with Him, he matures us through the fire and difficult times. He wants to empower us in our faith and make us effective for His kingdom. Move in Him.
• Hold hope with flexibility
  Hope is beneficial, but rigid expectations can increase distress. Psychological resilience comes from holding hope while remaining open to different outcomes and timelines. For people of faith, this may look like trusting that meaning, healing, and even future joy can emerge, even if life unfolds differently than expected.
• Turn towards God and not away. There are so many things in life we simply cannot control. God allowed biblical Job to cry out in pain and even blame him for a world His creation messed up. God was not on trial in the book of Job, Job was on trial for his faith. Turn towards God in the pain, not away from Him.
• Keep the faith.Faith is what we don’t see. There was a critical time in my seven-year process of infertility where I had to trust God and believe by faith that His plan for me was good. When I surrendered completely to God and gave up my will for His, He began to move powerfully in my life. He fulfilled my desires, not in the way and time I first saw fit, but in His perfect way and timing. I know I serve a God who takes my pain and transforms it for His glory.

Grief after miscarriage does not follow a straight line. Healing is not about “getting over it,” but about integrating the loss into your life story. With time, support, activating your faith and intentional care, it is possible to move forward while still honoring what you lost.