“It’s the most wonderful time of the year!” Is it? For many families, the holidays bring joy, traditions, good food, and time together. But for just as many, this season is also filled with tension, old hurts, and stress that simmers beneath the surface. A recent survey found that two in five people consider family holiday gatherings almost always stressful. And honestly, that number feels low.

The truth is that holidays have a way of highlighting long-standing family issues. Personality differences, political disagreements, unresolved conflicts, and unrealistic expectations can make what should be a celebration feel like an emotional obstacle course. But with a little preparation, awareness, and intentionality, you can approach this season differently and even create positive memories along the way.

Here are a few tips to help:

1. Anticipate Your Triggers

You probably already know which relatives push your buttons. Instead of hoping they won’t insult or annoy you this year, plan ahead. Think through how you want to respond and decide what boundaries you need to set. Preparation helps you stay calm and keeps you from falling into old reactive patterns. For example, if Mom starts complaining about your sister, gently redirect: “I think you should talk to her about that.” Setting these kinds of boundaries protects your emotional space.

2. Pick Your Battles

Not every family issue needs to be tackled during holiday gatherings. Some conversations are better saved for calmer, more private moments. If someone brings up an old hurt or embarrassing story, acknowledge it briefly and redirect the conversation. This time of year, your goal is to maintain peace, not win an argument. Remember, a gift you can bring to the season may be your restraint.

3. Set Realistic Expectations

Many holiday conflicts stem from unrealistic expectations. We focus on how people “should” behave, what the day “should” look like, or how much time is owed to each side of the family. Take some time before the season begins to talk through family schedules, travel plans, gift spending, and traditions. If both sides of the family want the same holiday morning, alternate years or host at your own home to reduce the tug-of-war.

4. Build Positive Traditions

Positive experiences act as emotional buffers. Research shows that healthy relationships need a ratio of about five positive interactions to every negative one. Family gatherings are no different. When families have no shared fun or meaningful traditions, tension rises quickly. Make intentional space for joy, e.g., bake cookies, watch Christmas movies, look at lights, attend services, or serve others as a family. Traditions build connection and help shift the emotional climate.

5. Keep Perspective

Most relatives who ask intrusive questions like, “Are you still single?” aren’t usually trying to offend you. Often, they’re showing interest the only way they know how. Respond with humor, grace, or a simple boundary: “I’d rather not talk about that today.” And remember, the holidays aren’t about you. Thanksgiving centers on gratitude; Christmas, on Christ’s birth. Focusing on the meaning of the holiday helps redirect your mind away from the drama.

Finally, let God’s peace rule in your heart. As Philippians 4:7 reminds us, His peace will guard your heart and mind. With prayer, boundaries, and a commitment to love your family, even the challenging ones, you can experience a calmer, more joyful holiday season.