My first college roommate was difficult—and not exactly welcoming. Her very first words to me weren’t “Hi” or “Nice to meet you,” but rather: “This is my boyfriend, ______, and stay away from him.”

I remember being stunned. First, I didn’t know her boyfriend. Second, why would I even think to “take him away”? And third—shouldn’t we at least get to know each other before she launched into accusations and rules?

I tried to have a conversation with her, but it didn’t help. Eventually, I changed roommates. She later requested a solo room so she could “protect her relationship.” You can probably guess how that worked out for her.

In another dorm, a student wore my clothes without asking. I had to confront her and set firm boundaries. These situations weren’t easy, but they taught me how to handle conflict directly—a life skill that’s essential.

But on many college campuses today, students are no longer required to work things out face-to-face. Instead, they can file what’s called a No Contact Order—a formal request to avoid any interaction with another student. Originally created to protect students from serious threats such as stalking or sexual harassment, these orders are now being used in far less serious situations.

Case in point: A Wall Street Journal article in 2025 documented a college student who filed a No Contact Order because her roommate allegedly took her bagels. Yes, bagels.

As someone who once served as a Title IX representative at my university, I find this disturbing. These orders were meant to protect students from genuine harm—not to act as escape routes from uncomfortable social situations. I have absolutely recommended No Contact Orders in cases of sexual harassment, stalking, and threats. But I never imagined they would be used to avoid conflict over food or petty disagreements.

Where is the opportunity to learn basic interpersonal skills if students are never required to work through tension or disagreement? College is supposed to be a bridge to adult life, including the messy, frustrating parts of living with others.

Many of today’s students arrive on campus used to blocking, muting, and unfriending people they don’t like on social media. Now, that behavior is bleeding into real life. When conflict arises, rather than talking it out, they call the university office and request formal separation. And sadly, administrators often oblige—under the new buzzword of “psychological safety,” which sometimes translates to “I don’t want to deal with this person.”

This path doesn’t lead to emotional resilience. It fosters avoidance, fragility, and poor relational skills—traits that won’t serve anyone well in the workplace or in life.

The Bible offers timeless wisdom on this topic. Matthew 18 teaches: “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone. If he listens, you have gained your brother.” If that doesn’t work, bring in a third party. The idea is to engage, not evade. Learn to treat others with respect, work through disagreement, and live alongside people who are different from you.

Using No Contact Orders to sidestep conflict is not growth. It’s retreat.

College shouldn’t be a bubble where discomfort is eliminated. It should be a training ground for real life. If we keep coddling students with tools meant for trauma rather than teaching them to manage everyday interpersonal struggles, we’re failing them. And we’re sending them into the world unprepared.