At some point, we’ve all encountered a person who expresses their feelings in indirect, often confusing ways. This behavior, known as passive-aggressive, can take many forms, from the silent treatment to subtle sabotage. And navigating these relationships can prove challenging.

What is Passive-Aggressive Behavior?

Passive-aggressive individuals often appear to be cooperative on the surface but actually harbor hidden resentment or hostility. Because of this, these individuals may appear to comply or act appropriately, but actually behave negatively and passively resist. This type of behavior can range from mild actions, like procrastination or excuses, to more severe forms like sabotaging someone’s success or well-being.

For example, you might deal with someone who gives you the silent treatment or “accidentally” forgets an important task because they were angry, but they avoid directly addressing the issue. On the surface, these people might look agreeable, but their actions tell a different story—one of hidden aggression and manipulation.

Why Do People Become Passive-Aggressive?

At the heart of passive-aggressive behavior is a fear of direct conflict. Many people who engage in this behavior feel powerless or helpless in situations of disagreement. Instead of confronting the issue directly, they subtly resist or avoid the situation to maintain a sense of control. This often stems from family dynamics where direct confrontation wasn’t encouraged or modeled. Individuals raised in households with one dominant parent may learn to deal with conflict indirectly as a way of surviving emotionally.

Spotting Passive-Aggressive Behavior

How can you spot passive-aggressive tendencies in someone? Look for:

• A person who frequently procrastinates or intentionally makes mistakes when asked to do something.
• Someone who resists cooperation or has a cynical, hostile attitude.
• A person who often complains about being unappreciated or treated unfairly.

These behaviors might be subtle, but when they become a pattern, they can lead to major communication breakdowns and erode trust in relationships.

How to Deal with Passive-Aggressive Behavior

When you’re dealing with someone who exhibits passive-aggressive behavior, the best approach is to confront them calmly with facts. I recommend you stay focused on the issue at hand and avoid emotional responses, as this can escalate the situation. If you feel overwhelmed, having someone with you for support can help provide clarity and emotional balance.

Humor can sometimes be an effective tool to diffuse tension, but it’s important to stay firm. Avoid accepting excuses, and instead, focus on the person’s actions. Ask direct questions and push for clear answers, such as a simple “yes” or “no.” If they continue to evade or manipulate, it’s likely they’re still trying to maintain control of the situation.

The Role of Faith in Conflict Resolution

For those who are Christians, the biblical model for handling conflict is a guide. Matthew 18 directs us to go directly to the person involved in the conflict, and if that doesn’t resolve the issue, bring in a third party. This direct, honest communication is key to avoiding passive-aggressive behavior in relationships. For those struggling with passive-aggressive tendencies, prayer and professional help can be essential in breaking the pattern.

While it can be difficult to navigate relationships with passive-aggressive individuals, it’s essential to set healthy boundaries and communicate openly. If you’re dealing with someone who exhibits these behaviors, keep your responses calm, clear, and fact-based, and remember that ultimately, change can only happen when the individual is willing to acknowledge their behavior.