Friendships may be one of the most underrated relationships when it comes to feeling loved and supported in your life. And finding a best friend is no easy task. I can name on one hand the number of best friends I have had throughout my life. And sadly, if you don’t keep those relationships going with a lot of intention, best friends can become distant as well.

Given the stress we often feel related to time–time to relax, to chat and just hang out with those important to us, friends can be hard to find. To begin the journey of finding a friend, you need to click with a person. Then engage in intentional behavior to develop the friendship. In the process, you may decide, this isn’t the person you want to befriend in a deeper way. Thus, the process of creating meaningful friendships takes effort.

When the process goes well, and you want to move friendship forward, it does take time. It is estimated that it takes about 50 hours to convert an acquaintance to a friend; then 90 hours to become a friend; and more than 200 hours until they become a best friend! Time is a factor, but not the only thing needed to develop friendship. How and what you talk about also matters.

Your ability to reveal parts of your life slowly and steadily to a person begins to deepen the friendship. In fact, researchers think that a lot of small talk does little to move a relationship forward. To progress in the relationship, you must dig deep and talk about things that matter.

In addition, people who are agreeable, open to experience and conscientious make great friends as well as marriage partners. Those characteristics help you connect with others easily. So, think about it-do you disagree a lot, think you are always right, are afraid to branch out and try new things or have a “whatever” attitude? If so, it might be more difficult for you to find and be a friend. If you want to find better friends, consider the positive characteristics and work on those.

Attention and action characterize good friendships. Be vulnerable, put yourself out there and show up when needed. Bake into the fabric of your relationship a few rituals- a regular walk, a text, or a time to talk.

Furthermore, friends work through life transitions together. A new job, move, or change in life stage may cause some friends to drop off. This happens to most of us. It’s a normal part of life. Again, the challenge is to be intentional and work through logistical changes if you value the relationship. And most of all, do so with forgiveness and grace.

Friendships enhance our lives. They bring us happiness and prevent loneliness. They even impact our physical lives, contributing to longer life. Friends can boost your esteem, support you through tough times and improve your mood. They are worth the effort!

The greatest friendship we can ever have though, is with Jesus. In John 15:14-15, Jesus says, “You are my friends if you do what I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you.” As we live a life of obedience produced by a transformed heart and informed mind, we live in fellowship with Him. He offers sweet communion and will never leave or forsake us.