Bullies come in all sizes, shapes and ages. Adults and children can be bullied on social media or in every day life. The trick is to know how to stop a bully. What strategies are most effective? Since the school year is underway, let’s look a child being bullied. But keep in mind, these strategies work for adults as well.

Here’s a typical encounter: Your 4th grade son is playing soccer on the playground at recess. A 6th grade bully comes over and takes his ball, throws it at him and laughs as he walks away. What should your son do?

a) Throw the ball back at him

b) Walk away and say nothing

c) Report the boy to school authorities

d) Go after the kid and try to talk to him

e) Initiate “The Swarm”

Dads tend to choose answer A because they want their sons to fight back. Moms like answer D because we think problems can be solved by talking them out. Answer B is good if you can get your son to do it, but it does nothing to correct the bully behavior.  Answer C works if adults are involved and will actually do something. Reporting a bully is sometimes unpopular because kids fear revenge and being labeled a tattletale. So that leaves us with answer E. The Swarm. 

The Swarm is an effective technique. It works like this. Your son enlists a number of his friends to literally swarm the bully and tell the bully to stop. There is power in numbers and the bully will have to contend with the entire group, not just your son. The Swarm also works in adult settings. There is power in numbers.

To help your children prepare for a bully attack, do this. Ask them to write down bully situations on 3 X 5 cards. They will come up with examples in no time. Then role-play the situations and practice different ways to handle each scenario. Talk about why some solutions are good choices and others not so good.

Role-playing exercises like this help children think ahead of time what they might do before they encounter the problem. Then when a bully situation presents, they have a plan and can act more confidently. As an adult, you can do the same thing. Think of a situation at work in which you typically are bullied. List several ways to handle this and think through your options. Often I suggest you don’t confront a bully alone, rather take a supervisor or have a third party present. It’s harder to fight a group and others can speak to the bullying behavior.