It’s easy to be with someone who is kind, thoughtful, caring and downright nice. But what is it about someone who makes you think, I just don’t want to be around that person? Here are my top seven reasons:

  1. The self-absorbed person. It’s all about them and their constant first-world problems. I remember being in the green room at a speaking event waiting to go on stage. One of the other speakers ordered me to get her some water. When I explained that I didn’t know where to get the water because I too was a speaker, she just repeated, “I told you to get me water!” It was all about her demands and being rude. Her extra-sized ego was showing and it was not pleasant to be around. If you want people to avoid you, focus only on your needs.
  2. The blaming person. As parents, we would not allow our kids to blame others when they were growing up. Even when we thought the teacher might be wrong, we focused on our child’s part of the problem. We stressed taking responsibility for your actions no matter what. Blaming is complaining and as an adult is very unattractive. No one like to be with the person who is never at fault but always the perennial victim. The person who points the finger at others is exhausting. You think, when will he or she start taking responsibility for their actions? Then we can make some progress in this relationship. Blame is a defensive posture that shuts down communication.
  3. The unreliable person. “I promise, I will….” and then it doesn’t happen. Time after time promises are broken. Eventually you realize you can’t depend on that person. “The road to hell is paved with good intentions,” is apropos here. He or she might have good intentions, but the fact that they can’t get it done breaks trust. Perhaps they procrastinate, promising you they will get to it. But they don’t and you are left feeling very unsettled. Eventually, you stop asking or expecting because you know it won’t happen.
  4. The complainer. It is not pleasant to be with someone who always sees the glass half empty and is so vocal about it.  This brings down your mood and focuses you on problems rather than solutions. After a while, you avoid the complainer because you just don’t want to hear it anymore.
  5. The drama person. There is always a crisis or drama. Somehow these folks find ways to stir up trouble and get lots of people involved .Life is boring if they can’t be in the middle of drama. Then come conflict and gossip as well. After a while, you avoid the complainer in order to protect your mood.
  6. The liar. Ask our children what we stressed over and over when they were growing up.  They will say, “Tell the truth.” You get in far less trouble if you come clean than if you make up a story or lie. More importantly, lying breaks trust, something you have to earn back over time. Sadly, lying on the Internet has become common place. Still it is damaging to all relationships. Eventually, the lie is discovered and someone is hurt.
  7. The controlling person. Regardless of the underlying cause ( insecurity or fear of failure), run as far away from a controlling person as possible. Controlling people want to micromanage your work and life. They control the narrative. And since they’re always right, they’re certain they know best how you should live. They don’t believe you can think for yourself or make good decisions. And they often fear that your actions might show up their weaknesses. So, run Forrest, run!


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