love-860319_1920“We attended a marriage seminar and the leaders suggested we use a little pornography to spice up our marriage. Is that really a good idea?”

There are some couple therapists that believe a little porn can help a marriage. But is this really a strategy anyone should embrace?

Based on what we are learning about pornography and what is does to the brain, in addition to what pornography does to relationships and your spiritual life, NO.

Because of the negative impact of pornography on so many levels, the state of Utah has declared pornography a public health crisis. And a recent report in Time Magazine talked about the number of men whose brains are rewired from using porn and unable to achieve satisfactory sexual experiences in their intimate relationships. According to Ted Talker Dr. Gary Wilson, “Porn trains your brain to need everything associated with porn to get aroused.” And this habit training impacts virility.

So while clinicians quip about the pros and cons of pornography, consumers know first hand the effects. The very pleasure and satisfaction that is sought using porn turns out not to deliver. In fact, the opposite occurs. People feel empty when real life experience doesn’t measure up to the fantasy.

Are we surprised that when intimacy is the desired outcome, that something based on lust and the objectification of women, doesn’t lead to greater intimacy. Pornography involves a self-focused and self-gratifying mindset not conducive to losing yourself in the other.

So what exactly is pornography doing to help a marriage–creating sexual excitement, novelty? At what cost to the true intimacy of the couple?  At the risk of being labelled repressive, from a moral framework, what is this teaching? Furthermore, the brain science supports the addictive nature of pornography use – another whole set of problems.

The truth: Pornography does not deliver. It is not an means to an end. It ends in emptiness and discontent. It keeps you wanting more. And in the darkness of porn, you become even darker, building tolerance and needed more stimulation for the same effect.

The remedy is to see pornography for what it is–a poor substitute for the beauty of sex in the context of love and intimacy. Take it out of your bedroom, off your phone, wipe it clean from your hard rive and then you have a chance to restore a healthy intimate relationship in marriage.




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