Doing Life Together

teen girl upsetFor 7 years my husband and I experienced infertility. I was poked and prodded more times than I ever care to recall. All the testing came back with no known cause to our infertility. We were among the 4% of couples in the undefined category. At first, it was easy to trust God and believe for a miracle. But as months rolled by, the pain of childlessness grew more intense.

I knew 7 women who were also struggling with infertility. In about 2 years time, all of them conceived except me. The pain grew even greater. One day, I was doing great, the next on the verge of depression. It was a chronic, open ended loss that had no know ending. That made it difficult. And I did ask why.

Like in the story of Job, people were happy to explain the reasons to me. But the WHY took me no where. The question I did have to answer was, “Would I give in to the loss and become emotionally stuck or would I trust God no matter what the present looked like.” After all faith is what I didn’t see.

How I dealt with this loss was what mattered to God.

Did I believe HE could give me children when for years, nothing but a miscarriage happened.

Would I still serve Him if children were not in my future?

Would I give in to depression and negative thinking?

Would I give in to anger and become bitter?

Would I believe that His ways are higher than my ways

Loss often brings us to a crisis of faith. It puts what we truly believe on the line. Cliches and platitudes no longer work. It takes intention to put into action the words of the Gospel. Here is what helps:

1) Acknowledge your feelings. Don’t pretend that because you are a Christian you don’t feel the pain of emotional wounds and hurts.

2) Embrace the pain. It hurt and I acknowledged it. I didn’t walk around pretending I was fine. I wasn’t. Mother’s Day was horrible. Baby showers seemed cruel. I was in pain.

3) Allow  your pain to turn you towards God. God allowed biblical Job to cry out in pain and even blame him for a world His creation messed up. As Philip Yancey points out, God was not on trial in the book of Job, Job was on trial for his faith.

4) Become desperate for God and begin to move in His power. We overcome trials by the Holy Spirit living in us. As we develop deeper intimacy with Him, he matures us through the fire to be used for His glory. He wants to empower you and make you effective for His kingdom. Move in Him.

5) Have faith. Faith is what we don’t see. There was a critical time in the seven year process of infertility. I came to the place where I had to trust God. and believe by faith. God  said the plans I have for you are good. When I surrendered completely to God and gave up my will for His, He began to move powerfully in my life–He fulfilled my desires, not in the way and time I first saw fit, but in His perfect way and timing. I know I serve a God who takes my pain and transforms it for His glory.



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