Doing Life Together

Sean Lowe, made famous by the reality television shows The Bachelorette and The Bachelor, was known as the Virgin Bachelor. But Lowe makes no apologies for his desire to wait until marriage to have sex with the woman he wanted to marry.

Recently, he spoke at Liberty University’s convocation and talked about how he challenged the lie that you have to sexually test out a partner before marriage in order to know if you have sexual compatibility.

A recent Gallup poll reported:

  • 80 percent of young unmarried Christians have had sex outside of marriage.
  • Two-thirds of unmarried Christians have been sexual active in the last year.
  • 42 percent of the 18-29 year olds in the 80 percent group are currently in sexual relationships.

Yet, despite these statistics, 76 percent of Christians still believe sex outside of marriage is wrong. Apparently, there is a wide disconnect between what we believe and what we actually do. Why is this and how can live what we believe?

1) Talk about sex in the church. Rather than pretending that pre-marital sex isn’t happening, we need conversations about how to resist temptation and deal with sexual brokenness. The pressures to conform, availability of pornography, and how we cope with living in a culture saturated with sex, need honest discussion with shared strategies to stay the course.

2) When you engage with media, be intentional. Does what you see line up with a biblical worldview? The constant exposure to promiscuity can desensitize us to the truth of God’s word.

3) Go to church. Attending church one day a week (which is what most people do) hardly competes with the daily onslaught of sexual messages, but it does provide a weekly centering and reminder.

4) Continue to read your Bible in order to renew your mind to God’s ways versus the cultural narrative. Sean was reading the Bible every day when he was on the show.

5) Pray with each other and put on the armor of God since it is a difficult struggle (Ephesians 6:10-18). We need each other to stay strong.

6) Share real stories of sexual promiscuity, e.g., sexually transmitted infections, the emotional fall out of sex outside of marriage, and the spiritual issues involved. Media focus on the physical act of sex, but people live with the emotional and spiritual fall out of sexually acting out. Those stories need to be shared as well. There is no real life glamour of promiscuity.

7) Value marriage. Waiting to have sex or being faithful in marriage are worth fighting for and need to be valued.

8) Examine the cohabitation data. Cohabitation leads to an increased chance of divorce, the very thing couples fear. The data doesn’t support the idea that hooking up prior to marriage, makes marriage better or prevents divorce.

9) Find friends who want to be accountable and will try to live what they believe. When you surround yourself with like-minded people, it is easier to encourage each other to resist temptation.

10) When it comes to sex, resisting temptation is best done by not putting oneself in a position of temptation. Identify the triggers that can leave you vulnerable and avoid those whenever possible.


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