Aaron and Holly were like many couples in the early years of having children. What was once a hot romance between the two of them seemed to fizzle to barely an ember. When they came to see me, they reported not having sex for the past year.  Somehow, in the busyness of their lives, it just happened and they knew this wasn’t a good thing.

The danger of withholding sex is that it births feelings of resentment that can accumulate over time. Touching, conversation, laughing and other ways of connecting dwindle as well. If not attended to, the risk of infidelity and divorce become a reality.

Couples who avoid each other by going to bed at separate times, blame and argue over sex and make excuses for being uninterested are worsening the problem. I’ve heard couples say things like, “You no longer excite me” or “If you would be nicer, maybe I would be more interested.”

The danger in these types of remarks is that they only blame and do not result in a way to resolve the issue. Blaming is criticism and criticism is the first step on that road to emotional distance.

Finally, if you need motivation to get back into a healthy sex life, consider this. Sexual climax has an antidepressant effect. Yes, just like an antidepressant, climax calms the same part of the brain. People who have regular sex tend to be less depressed because that part of the brain is stimulated![1]  Want to improve your mood, have more sex in your marriage. And more than your mood will improve as well!