Doing Life Together

Yesterday I was interviewed multiple times on the radio, once in LA, to discuss the Kim Kardashian divorce. The interviewers felt Kim owed her fans a better explanation for the ending of her marriage.

Here are  10 reasons I could find that have been proposed. They are all speculation since the couple is not being clear about what really happened.

As a licensed marriage and family therapist, the reasons given for this divorce make no sense so far. And none of the reasons are beyond repair if the couple really want to work things out.

Here are my thoughts on the speculation:

1) Kim is a hopeless romantic. In her original statement Kim said she married for love. A 31-year-old woman is not an inexperienced 20-year-old. She was divorced before this marriage and should know that it takes more than love  to sustain a life long commitment. I’ve counseled women who fall in love with men in prison and tell them not to marry these guys. Feelings aren’t enough to make a marriage work. If this is how she makes decisions, she needs therapy.

2) Kim didn’t feel right about it. These are her words. The message is that you follow your heart and get out if it doesn’t feel right. How about, if you don’t feel right about it, don’t get married in the first place. If  you do, go to counseling and try to work it out. Give it more than 72 days.

3) Kim  wants a family and children. This is something that all couples should discuss before they marry, If they don’t, it is an on-going conversation until there is agreement.

4) The couple can’t agree where to live. Again, this a topic for premarital conversations. Living arrangements can be navigated with their money. Like many famous couples, they can have several residences and make this work.

5) Kim did this for the money. I can only hope this is not the case because it really undercuts the sanctity of marriage. She vehemently denies this is the case.

6) Kim did this for fame and publicity. Kris couldn’t handle her fame. Kris is younger, less famous and doesn’t have her money. Women with money and power tend to divorce more than those who are dependent on their spouse for survival. But this was known on the front end of the marriage. The rush to the alter may have preempted working through these issues. Kim’s life is all about fame but again, I would hope that she wouldn’t go this far just to get her name in a tabloid. She admits getting caught up in all the wedding planning, but did no one talk to her about the magnitude of the decision to marry? If not, this would be sad. Usually friends and family can talk sense into you if you are willing to listen.

7) Kim is self centered but wants a relationship. If this is true, then go to counseling and work on your issues so that you can be a better partner. People go to therapy all the time to work on intimacy problems. Divorce does not solve this.

8) The couple has nothing in common. Step one of building a sound marital foundation is developing a friendship. That is why you need time to get to know one another.

9) Kris doesn’t fit with the Kardashian family. Tabloid reports love this explanation and have him arguing over money, flirting with girls, smoking pot and being rude to a cameraman. In my book, I Married You, Not Your Family, I remind people that marriage is a union of two people, but brings together two families. You marry someone and you get the family as a package deal. So families are important, especially when you live with them, depend on them and work with them in reality TV land.

10) The couple didn’t really know each other. This is probably the best speculation. With cameras constantly on them, the surreal world of  Hollywood, I am guessing the dating, engagement and marriage took on a life of its own and the reality of what she did hit after the hoopla was over.

Whatever the reason(s), I hope the two of them will get out of the public eye for awhile, work with a couple therapist and seriously process what happened.

Do you feel Kim and Kris owe their fans more of an explanation?

To divorce proof your marriage, order my book, I Married You, Not Your Family

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