Over the past few weeks, I have found myself (or actually lost myself) in a dark forest of despair, sadness, longing for something seemingly elusive, cracked open and grieving years of loss. Along with it came an unreasonable fear that I would never find my way out. Even as a professional in the mental health field, I felt awash in emotion that was confounding. I sought the counsel of wise friends and other professionals. I also incorporated practices that I had encouraged others to use.

*Prayer ( a bunch of conversations with the God of my understanding)

*Meditation

*Writing

*Reading

*Time in nature

*EFT (tapping)

*Equine therapy (offering Reiki to horses and reaping the benefit of their energy winging back to me)

*Working out at the gym

*Dancing

*Drumming

*Listening to music

*Singing

*Chanting

*Yoga

*Massage

*Chores (believe it or not, folding laundry and doing dishes can be quite therapeutic)

*Positive self talk that reminds me of my strengths.

*Bunches of hugs and cuddles

*Mini temper tantrums during which I would jump up and down, pound the mattress and rant about what was stewing and brewing.

*Crying ….lots and lots of crying.

Some not so startling revelations have arisen. The first is that I am human and am going to have uncomfortable feelings in my lifetime and no amount of attempting to sweep them under the rug will keep them from impacting me. I have the right to experience them in whatever manner they show up, with the caveat that I not use them to harm myself or anyone else. Covering over my vulnerability is like a little kid who hides under the blanket with the idea that if she can’t see you, then you won’t know she is under there. People haven’t gone away because I have shown them this aspect of me. Many have stepped up and offered a helping hand when I have felt like I was slipping over the edge. I also found myself swimming in love soup. I have come to realize even more powerfully how much love I have in my life and how it sustains me.

As I have been feeling like I am on this side of sanity, I am grateful.