Since the self-solituding began for me five weeks ago, I find myself in the delicate balance between sheer terror and complete faith that all is well, even if it looks like the farthest thing from the truth. Having been through major losses (my husband, both parents and two dear friends in the past 21 years), […]
This morning, I opened my e-mail box and out tumbled this message:
“Just wanted to formally announce, Edie, that the world is indeed ready for ALL of you.
Mike Dooley, who created TUT (Totally Unique Thoughts) is the man behind the wise words, channeled through him and delivered each day. I have been receiving his missives for many years and am delighted when he seems to be reading my mind. Now, I know that he writes them for a gazillion readers and I am not the only one who got this one, AND it spoke to what I have been feeling for most of my life.
A precocious child with entertaining skills, who loved being in the spotlight, I often felt like I needed to overcompensate for physical challenges that were part and parcel of asthma and podiatric problems. I didn’t want to appear weak or incapable of keeping up with the other kids. So I pushed harder, drove myself more intensely, attempted to increasingly charm and became a people-pleaser. I honed my diplomatic skills and learned to read people well. Being an empath has its up side, as well as its challenges, since I would sometimes take on the emotions and physical sensations of those around me. Sometimes I still do. I have needed to remind myself, “If it’s not mine, I let it go.” Not easy when my intention is to offer healing.
When on occasion, others have expressed discomfort with my sometimes over the top, high energy self, I have found myself pulling back into a snail shell. Two come to mind; both in workplace settings. As a nursing home social worker, I brought my clown persona named Feather who is a faerie, in to entertain the residents. Colorfully garbed, sparkling and playful, it triggered a reaction from a supervisor who later acknowleged that I called more attention to myself that she desired. The second, a few years later, occurred when a supervisor in a psychiatric hospital who was an ‘old school nurse,’ and was rules oriented, had a hard time with the decor in my office. The walls were embellished with affirming images and words to inspire the patients and myself. She actually took something down. It had something to do with the art of surrender. She wrote on it, the word NEVER. While I agree that giving up in the face of challenges is not optimal, surrender implies taking pause and re-evaluating. A letting go into what is and not just focusing on ‘what if and if only.’ Later on, we made peace and not long after, she was diagnosed with cancer and has since passed.
Although it is tempting to remain a chameleon, a designation I had embraced, since it helped me to fit in and be accepted by those whose approval I craved, I find it far more rewarding to be true to who I am. So, just who is that?
- An over the top enthusiastic 4 year old in the body of a nearly 58 year old.
- A colorfully creative journalist who paints word pictures.
- A passionate woman who desires a loving partner to share the exquisite dance of life.
- A purposeful world server.
- An intuitive healer who is tapped into the Universe and calls in messages and life force energy.
- A deeply spiritual person who knows she is a part of and not apart from God/Goddess/All That Is.
- A trusting soul who knows that the Highest Good always prevails, despite appearance at times.
- A lovingly kick-ass coach, therapist and speaker.
- A comsummate networker who connects with new people every day.
- A resilient thriver who has made it through several health crises and major losses.
- A cosmic concierge who knows how to help people get what they want in their lives.
- A spiritual gangsta who takes the message of love out into the ‘hood, which is really the whole world.
- A Hug Mobster Armed With Love who is helping to bring folks together in love and cooperation via Hugs Across America.
- A Bliss Mistress who encourages people to live rich, full, juicy lives.
- An Opti-Mystic who sees the world through the eyes of possibility.
Like everyone reading this, I am a cosmic creation and ever evolving work in progress, no longer afraid to be seen, putting my whole self in, as if I am doing the Hokey Pokey. Care to join me in bringing the beauty, magic and wonder of who you truly are into all aspects of your life?
Look out, world!