While I was employed at the firm, I could not publish anything new or personal. I had signed a non-disclosure agreement that had my hands tied … thus, all the book reviews and interviews and posts that I had stockpiled last summer to last until the day I could invest myself again into writing. Every day I lived in fear that I’d be fired, paranoid that my casual and very personal way of being would win me yet another invitation for behavior modification. So when I was finally laid off, I felt tremendous relief.
St. Francis de Sales had four words of advice for pursuing spiritual excellence: “Be you very well.”
I used to think if you survived junior high without too many scars, you could live comfortably in your own skin for the rest of your days.
But the last six months at a large consulting firm made junior high seem like one long love fest. It was clear from the start that one thing in that place was different from the others (me) and the only way to thrive would have been to morph into an entirely different kind of person.
Emerging from the firm with my soul intact is, I feel, a tremendous accomplishment for me, one that goes into my self-esteem file. Because by far the easier thing to do would have been to lose myself within its walls. To put work in front of health, and business before laughter.
God’s timing was perfect. An hour before I was laid off, another writing gig was offered to me, so between that and writing Beyond Blue, I should be able to concentrate on what I’m good at and leave the consulting behind me.
Thank you immensely for your ongoing support during the last six months. You have no idea how many times I came home from my job in tears only to read your beautiful affirmations.
Remember those four words: Be you very well.
Illustration by Anya Getter.