I was going to wait to publish some of the letters, but, well, unlike Holly, I did not resolve to become more patient this year. Harnessing my chocolate addiction is challenging enough.
So here is Exhibit A from our Self-Esteem Forum last Wednesday night. Larry and Joni have graciously given me permission to publish Larry’s affirmation letter to Joni on Beyond Blue and on the “self-esteem forum” discussion thread at Group Beyond Blue at the Beliefnet Community site.

Dear Joni:
I was secretly glad when I got you for my “Self-Esteem File” letter assignment, because I thought it would be easy.
In fact, it’s pretty hard to pick and choose from your remarkable personal qualities. So my apology in advance for violating Mark Twain’s saying that, “If I’d had more time, I would have written a shorter letter.”
First of all, you are a SURVIVOR. Given the personal experiences you have been through (and yes, if we are honest, some of which were of your own making, at least in part), the people who lie, cheat and steal from each other on tropical islands on CBS are pikers. You overcame profound suicidal tendencies and anxiety in the process. (And you’ve lost large amounts of weight, too!!!)

Second, you acknowledged your addiction and found a spiritual solution. And you embrace your (fairly) new faith in Christ. I’m known as the board’s resident skeptic (which is only partially true – I’m skeptical of organized RELIGION, but I am profoundly spiritual, a trait I guess in the ultimate sense you actually share). But the fact of the matter is, Bill Wilson and Bob Smith discovered something profound when they started Alcoholics Anonymous and, thus, the spiritual recovery movement. You have tapped into this for healing in your own life (and I use “healing” intentionally). And you have overcome the most difficult of addictions – when I watch the TV show “Intervention,” meth is more potent a high (because it has a psychological as well as physical component) than alcohol, cigarettes – I know you smoke, but progress, not perfection — marijuana, cocaine/crack, even heroin.
Third, you have a built-in support network because your husband has joined you in recovery. Neither of you could have succeeded unless either you both had committed, as you did – or, alas, you had separated/divorced. It almost doesn’t matter at this point if he convinced you to join him in recovery or the other way around. Instead, you both overcame your pasts with each other’s help, and set an example of fidelity in the process. (Even through some difficult health times for both of you recently!)

Fourth, while – in honesty – an outside observer must note that it is likely your children suffered some neglect as a result of your (and your husband’s) addictions, you never lashed out with the ultimate abuses you suffered, particularly sexual abuse, on them. As so many other people so victimized have tragically done, extending the cycle of abuse. And simply raising two sons while addled by addiction, to guide them to adulthood in any way, shape or form (even if one has some of the same struggles – sigh) – and to now have a grandchild! — shows remarkable strength and devotion in the midst of your own weakness as well.
Fifth, you truly do G-d’s work in caring for those with Alzheimer’s. (And you have enough of a human ego to admit it, which I love about you!) I cannot tell you what a horrific experience my last visit with my grandfather before his passing was – in his rage and confusion, he literally thought I was a monster attacking him. Frankly, I don’t know how you even begin to care for Alzheimer’s patients just physically and logistically – let alone the emotional strength it must take. All recovery programs say one must “give back.” You do in spades. (Even if it’s not the best-paying job in the world and you have to fight through a bit financially as a result.) Of course “caring” is your word of the year – you LIVE it.

Sixth, you acknowledge your contradictions and struggles – and limitations. In addition to the harrowing facts of your life that you have shared, I love what you said in your profile about being a “cautious and emotional” person. And you are sensitive yet have a social anxiety shell around you. But of course you are – you have mental illness. And never forget that the (underlying, undiagnosed) depression, or more likely post-traumatic stress disorder and anxiety/panic attacks, caused your addictions, not the other way around. (Most scientific studies about addiction say if you had had the willpower not to take that first meth hit you were offered so many years ago, it still would have channeled itself in alcoholism or some other, perhaps more socially acceptable drug dependency.) Now that you have conquered one demon (ODAT, of course, ODAT), you are battling another, bravely. And you choose your battles wisely, as in giving up long-distance driving – you can’t win them all! (Remember, I don’t drive, either.) But don’t, in the process, be afraid to embrace the different facets of your personality. As Walt Whitman said, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, then I contradict myself. I am large, I contain multitudes.”

Seventh, you have jumped into your new membership in Beyond Blue (and Out of the Box) with a relish and enthusiasm. (And you admit it’s a bit of a “high” itself – no problem, it certainly is for me!!) You use the same personal testimony of your own addiction/depression to empathize with others, and you use the same enthusiasm and empathy that allows you to care for the most confused of people in an Alzheimer’s ward (maybe because you have been in that state of confusion in drug abuse?) to comfort them. Do you realize how much courage it takes, in this cynical world, to say to someone, “You’re wonderful”? Never underestimate yourself. (Not that, given what you’ve overcome, I think you do.)
Eighth, you have managed to somewhat repair your relationships with their parents despite the horrific experiences you suffered as a child – yet keep enough distance to stay in your recovery. I wish I could live out your “forgive but not forget” philosophy in its truest sense; I run into some problems with that myself, as you might read on BB on occasion …
Ninth, you acknowledge your weakness of social anxiety – the self-honesty required in recovery. It is my hope that your online musings on Beliefnet will give you the courage to venture out into the larger world IRL (“in real life”). In your new faith and recovery, you will meet positive people, not the destructive influences who have followed you for much of your life – that I can promise. And speaking of friends …
Tenth and last (but not least), you have wonderful taste in Beliefnet friends. (And not just me, LOL, or on Beyond Blue in general.) Butterfly (Janie) in particular is a remarkable woman (though we all, including if not especially you, have gone through amazing life journeys) – if you have linked up with her, you’re golden in my book.
I hope you will realize, through seeing all these (yes) wonderful traits reflected back to you, that you ARE loved unconditionally.
And not just by Christ and your family ?
Blessings, Larry