Do you remember this happening in school while growing up? It may have been in the classroom…the school yard…on the school bus…while walking home. In fact… It was also likely to occur at home. And it has to do with that one kid… You know, the kid that others would make fun of…laugh at…and in […]
If someone were to tell you that people feel good during moments of anger what would you say?
You probably wouldn’t believe them…
Especially if they tell you that the more angrier a person gets the more they feel good.
Because after all, any time you’ve felt angry over something (and especially someone) did “feeling good” ever cross your mind? Probably not.
In fact, this was a scene that was all too familiar in my life.
Whether it had to do with people who broke their promises to me…or someone not doing things the way I wanted…or a situation I had expected to go one way and then turned out the opposite, it didn’t matter because it still left me feeling angry.
And most people thought this was because of something that it wasn’t…just another person having “anger issues.”
These moments of anger weren’t due to having “anger issues”…even though it looked that way on the surface.
It was due to actually feeling good even though I wasn’t aware of it during those anger moments…
And the same is true for you during your moments of anger.
Now you may be wondering….”How?”
Well, it starts and is cleverly hidden because of that “F” word again…fantasy.
Except in this case it involves something I call an “anger fantasy.”
And it’s here where these “anger issues” begin and end…and are able to be avoided to begin with.
So the question is…
“How much is the anger fantasy involved in your life”
…And what can you do to get rid of it before it takes over your life in ways you don’t want?
1. Delusional illusions
There’s an unusual phenomena that exists during the lifetime of all human beings. It’s this notion of attributing why things happen to something other than what the cause really is. Such is the case when it comes to
dealing with anger issues…or as some would call anger management.
This is where the “feeling good” part comes in during moments of anger…in the form of trying to live a fantasy life.
Because it’s this “feeling good fantasy” mindset that is at the cause of why people have so called “anger issues.”
And with it comes the birth of the anger fantasy…which is the result of trying to live a one-sided life while expecting one-sided outcomes.
Back when I was 20 I was in a relationship with a girl I really liked. We got along very well. The only issue…her parents felt the age difference was too much (she was 15). The relationship ended.
This left me feeling angry to the point where it literally turned into a family feud (we lived next door to each other).
At the time I didn’t realize why I was so angry.
It was simple…
My one sided fantasy—of being in the relationship and having everyone involved agree with me—wasn’t being met.
Said another way…
My “feeling good fantasy” of things that were “supposed” to always go my way wasn’t being met…because when her parents put a stop to the relationship I saw nothing but drawbacks to it. And it was this plus my childish, immature fantasy that things “had to” go MY way that was the cause of my anger…although at the time I didn’t know it.
This is where the anger started…what I call the anger fantasy.
And whether we’re talking about this situation I went through or one you’ve gone through (or are currently going through) the same thing still applies…
Trying to live in this one-sided way is delusional. I call it delusional illusions because it’s not how the world (the Universe) is designed to work.
The world is designed to work in a two-sided manner.
There are an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks to EVERY situation you encounter throughout your entire life. This is a Universal Law that applies to ALL people.
And the more someone is addicted to the fantasy of trying to live a one-sided life the more anger someone will have.
This reminds me of a quote from a college professor I had…
“Anger masks hurt.”
That’s true and the “hurt” he was referring to is actually the one-sided fantasy not being met. This is where all anger issues originate.
When you take an honest look at any situation you’ve ever been in during your own moments of anger you’ll see this every time.
The bottom line…
The greater the fantasy the greater the anger.
But what’s fascinating in all of this is that anger serves a purpose in your life…it’s actually a gift and one that most people are never aware of.
Before I get to that…
There’s one more part of what’s involved in this anger fantasy…and is also why people get angry to begin with.
And it has to do with something that ultimately all people want…the truth.
2. The angry truth
Another bizarre phenomena that exists among the human race involves wanting something but not wanting it. What I’m talking about here is the truth.
Every person in the world wants the truth…whether it has to do with someone making a promise to them…whether it involves finding out certain information about whatever it is that’s most important to them…and everything else in between.
We all want the truth…you want it…and so do I.
Strange as it seems, at the same time most people don’t want the truth.
Because again it goes back to what I’ve been saying…most people try to live a one-sided life. They are continuously seeking more happiness than sadness, more pleasure than pain, more joy than sorrow, and more ease than difficulty.
And what happens as a result…
When the opposite side shows up—sadness, pain, sorrow, and difficulty—they’ll get angry…hence the anger fantasy (Naturally this builds up over time as each person has a different tolerance level so to speak).
So, how does the truth come into all of this?
Living in a world of truth involves embracing both sides of life equally. It is knowing that no matter what you do that you’ll get equal amounts of happiness and sadness, pleasure and pain, joy and sorrow, ease and difficulty, people liking and disliking you, and so on.
The more someone tries to live a one-sided life in a two-sided world the angrier they’ll get. This is also known as living a lie…because the truth sees both sides equally.
So how does this apply to you? In several ways.
How many times have you tried to show someone the truth about something and they got angry about it? I’m sure many times.
Most people will see this as “The truth hurts”…which is true. What’s actually going on here is the “cracking” or “shattering” of the one-sided fantasy the person was trying to live by.
This is the anger fantasy…and this is when you’ll see someone possibly even go into a rage of anger. The anger you see in someone is actually a “withdrawal” symptom of their one-sided illusions being “cracked.”
And it all centers around the truth being revealed.
I call this “The angry truth” because far too many people are denying the truth—of people, of the different situations they’re in, of themselves, and of life—and in the process are living a lie.
When you’re in a situation like this and you’re the one revealing the truth about something to someone…quite often that person will accuse you of being negative…or they may try and “turn the tables” on you and blame you for something they themselves have blatantly done.
It’s not about you…it’s about them and their own one-sided fantasy.
As you already know “the truth sets you free”…and it does. But the way it actually does quite often comes with the “anger” as well…what you now know as the “angry truth.”
This is also true about your own life.
How many times did you find out something to be true—whether on your own or someone pointed it out to you—and you knew it to be true. Didn’t you get angry about it at first?
We’ve all experienced this. When you did…it was nothing more than the “angry truth” being revealed.
What you also most likely didn’t know—and most people don’t—is that anger is a gift in your life.
Something you didn’t expect to hear…right?
Let’s see how…
3. The gift of anger
There are certain things in life that at first seem like they serve no purpose whatsoever, but then over a certain amount of time the “light bulb” goes off and you get that “aha” moment. Sometimes these are obvious. Other times they’re not and take longer to realize.
Sadly, for some people they never realize it, will repeat the same patterns over and over again…and then attribute why things happen to them to something other than what it really is.
And this is certainly the case with anger and how to control anger.
What most people never realize is that anger is a gift. It serves a specific purpose in your life and in the lives of every human being.
Something you probably never heard or thought of before…right?
It stands to reason because this is something we’re not taught.
So, what is this gift that anger gives you?
First, it’s “testing you” to see how you handle different situations throughout your life and in the process tests your patience.
It’s getting you to “crack” that one sided fantasy that things “have to” always or most of the time go your way.
And no matter how you look at it or want to believe, you’ll continuously be put in the same situations you don’t want to be in and repeat the same patterns over and over again until you embrace the fact that all situations are two-sided…that they have an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks.
Once you see this they’ll be no anger. They’ll be nothing but truth.
And that’s the second gift of anger…discovering the truth…the truth about you, about other people, and about different situations you encounter throughout your life.
Now of course this doesn’t mean you have to agree with everything and everyone and give up who you are…or that you just “accept” something you don’t believe in and give in to others.
What it does mean is that you see both sides to people and situations equally—having an equal amount of benefits and drawbacks—and in the process the truth is revealed.
And let’s face it…
Sometimes you’ll like what you see and other times you won’t…and that’s ok.
As you already know things won’t always go your way. Everyone pretty much knows this because if they didn’t you wouldn’t have so many people showing their anger or having what many call “anger issues.”
No matter how you look at it, over the course of your life it does balance out…and the only way you can see it not doing so is if you hold on to the idea that life is supposed to be one-sided…which by now you know it’s not.
And yes, they’ll be times when those feelings of anger come up. It’s only natural because as humans we all want things to go our way and when it doesn’t that “urge” to let it out comes up.
But now you know how to control the anger…thanks to the gift that anger gives you…
A gift that is ultimately designed to get you to discover who you are and why you do the things that you do.
A gift that allows you to “dig deep” and to find out why you’re here.
A gift that gives you insights and answers to the different challenges you’ll deal with throughout your life.
A gift that “wakes” you up to what makes you the special and unique person you are…a person that matters and is an important part of the world.