Know Your Vulnerabilities
Not to sound like an annoying self-help guru, but infatuations are often about old wounds that haven’t healed completely: the father that rejected you, the alcoholic mother, the older brother who made you watch his favorite episodes of Full House. In his best-selling classic Getting the Love You Want, Harville Hendrix distinguishes between our old or “reptilian” brain that is weighted down with unconscious baggage from our pasts and reacts automatically in fear. Our new brain - the “analytical, probing, questioning part of your mind that you think of as being ‘you.’” Harville theroizes that when we get sucked into intense and damaging emotional relationships our old brain is holding the helm. It wants to recreate the pain of our past in order to heal the wounds. “Be curious about your emotional and relationship vulnerabilities that might encourage the setup of infatuation of another. Do you have relationship wounds that play out in creating a fantasy partner?,” said Kift.