Goldie: Buddhist, Jew, Jesus Freak
'For the rest of my life, everything I do has to be with good intentions.'
You find yourself attached to your own image; and you find yourself attached to other people's images. The trick is to become aware of these attachments and to become aware of the impermanence of them. The view of yourself is ever-changing because you're growing older, your body is changing, your face is changing, everything is changing-but you have a tendency, or want to have a tendency, to grasp onto youth, to grasp onto the ability to always look beautiful. And so the way to do it is to to release yourself from that because its outcomes are very damaging. So if in fact I see an ugly picture of myself, which I've seen many-
I have-and it's like a stake in my heart.
It's horrible-yet one day you're going to be very old and you're going to die and you're not going to look like this. So what are we thinking? But on the other hand, you're known to look a certain way, which makes the pain even worse. Paparazzi will try to get the most controversial picture of you in a compromising position because that's how they're going to sell it. So, yes, you understand that they've got tons of pages to fill and that they get money for that. Generations of reasons and whys and wherefores, you can figure that out--but when that picture comes out where they've got the lens inside the wrinkles of your eyes, and you say, "Oh my God, this is the scariest picture I've ever seen. How could they be so cruel?" And yet I do look that way in that picture, so that becomes reality.
In order to detach from that, I suppose what I do personally is I think of how it happened, I remember the person who took the picture. First, I feel complete sadness because this is what the world has come to. I look at it in a higher overview, taking myself out of the equation and feeling compassion for everyone in this position. Rather than saying "me," I say "we"; rather than saying "that bad man," I say "this paparazzi mentality" has to be stopped somehow. I try to get underneath the feeling and try to create a shift so instead of going to the "me-me" destructive feelings, I pull myself up, look at thewhole
picture, and then I walk away and I'm fine.
In your meditation, can you say, "I forgive him or her"?
I make that one of my practices; I think that's an intentional meditation in itself. I sit down quietly, take a deep breath, try to quiet my mind, quiet my breathing, and now bring the people in front of me who have created pain for me, and then bless them and put light around them and watch them drift away with love.
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