I have-and it's like a stake in my heart.
It's horrible-yet one day you're going to be very old and you're going to die and you're not going to look like this. So what are we thinking? But on the other hand, you're known to look a certain way, which makes the pain even worse. Paparazzi will try to get the most controversial picture of you in a compromising position because that's how they're going to sell it. So, yes, you understand that they've got tons of pages to fill and that they get money for that. Generations of reasons and whys and wherefores, you can figure that out--but when that picture comes out where they've got the lens inside the wrinkles of your eyes, and you say, "Oh my God, this is the scariest picture I've ever seen. How could they be so cruel?" And yet I do look that way in that picture, so that becomes reality.
In order to detach from that, I suppose what I do personally is I think of how it happened, I remember the person who took the picture. First, I feel complete sadness because this is what the world has come to. I look at it in a higher overview, taking myself out of the equation and feeling compassion for everyone in this position. Rather than saying "me," I say "we"; rather than saying "that bad man," I say "this paparazzi mentality" has to be stopped somehow. I try to get underneath the feeling and try to create a shift so instead of going to the "me-me" destructive feelings, I pull myself up, look at the whole picture, and then I walk away and I'm fine.
In your meditation, can you say, "I forgive him or her"?
I make that one of my practices; I think that's an intentional meditation in itself. I sit down quietly, take a deep breath, try to quiet my mind, quiet my breathing, and now bring the people in front of me who have created pain for me, and then bless them and put light around them and watch them drift away with love.
I find the exercise of visualizing light around people very difficult. Do you?
It's a part of your brain that can be developed. You just need to work that area and lighten it up and it comes with practice. But the intention is what's important, and if you stay in the intention of forgiveness, then you can achieve it. Forgiveness has been easy for me, though I've been practicing for quite a long time. But I am not somebody who holds onto anger or grudges.
For instance, you go through a divorce. There is so much built-up anger because you have spent so much time saying the things you wanted to say, losing yourselves in the relationship, the person screwing around on you, being untrue, feeling bamboozled, whatever, and you end up holding onto this frustration especially if you've got children. I went through that.
When I went through my issues in regards to that, as hard as it was, I made sure I didn't speak badly about him. In fact, when my son Oliver was little I wrote him a letter because he needs to know why I fell in love with his father (Bill Hudson). And I told him everything that was beautiful about his father, that he made me laugh, that he was fun, that he was a great dad when he was there, that he had talent and an ability to create things out of nothing. I just felt that he needed to know the value of his father, because children identify with their parents no matter how bad they are. So if you have left your husband or your husband has left you, bypass your anger; try to understand it, for yourself, and deal with it-but don't transfer it to your children.