'These Are the Words...'

I embraced Judaism by choice, and now I'm tackling the greatest challenge of my faith: Chanting Torah before the congregation.

BY: Sian Gibby

I am a new Jew. Some people think that Jews by Choice are more conscientious than people born Jewish. Who knows? I take my Jewish responsibilities seriously, but that's because I love them. Being a Jew for me means trying actively to broaden and expand those "duties of the heart." Like a kid in a candy store, I am trying Jewish things left and right, filled with excitement at this wonderful new existence. But I'm not so excited I've forgotten how to be abashed. I am plenty abashed. Believe me.

One facet of my embrace of Jewish life centers around deepening my relationship with Torah. I've tried to do this in a variety of ways: study, both in classes and with my rabbi; getting tutored in Hebrew; writing divrei Torah (commentaries on the Torah portion) for my shul newsletter; and, most recently, learning to chant Torah during the synagogue service (called leyning in Yiddish).

Chanting Torah is a challenge for me in several ways. First, I am shy. I find it tremendously difficult to be the center of attention and keep my cool. Second, I know almost no Hebrew. Third, I am terrified of religious ceremony-the awesomeness just about shuts me down. Add to all this the newness of my Jewishness, and you'll understand how formidable it feels to take on the most fundamental and emblematic means of public Jewish religious practice: singing the Torah for assembled Jews.

In a word, I am plotzing.

I decided to learn leyning this summer, when I first heard the man who would become my teacher, Kenneth Cohen, chant. It took my breath away. Not only does he have a beautiful voice, but he sang with such conviction; hearing him, I knew I wanted something he had. I wanted to be expressive about Torah in just exactly that gorgeous way. For me, the beauty of Judaism comes from the freedom to be fully expressive about God (among other things). And singing, making an instrument of your body, is as expressive as it gets.

Luckily, I have many things going for me that mitigate the fear factor: a warm and supportive shul community (including a group of regular chanters who are genuinely excited for me); a wonderful leyning teacher; and reserves of energy and enthusiasm that sometimes overpower the nerves and help me through theologically fearsome events.

Let me tell you more about why this task is so daunting.

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