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Following a miscarriage your head will fill with questions. How did this happen? What went wrong? Why me? God, how could you?

Nothing anyone says can satisfy the questions that fill your heart, and there are no easy answers. It’s hard to grasp the concept that bad things can happen to good people, especially to innocent children.

When tragic events happen to us, we are quick to push God away. It’s normal to get angry and upset with Him. God specifically instructs us to multiply. Genesis 1:28 asks humans to “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it.” So why would He take that life away?

You Are Not Alone

It’s times like these when you need Him the most. With as many as half of all fertilized eggs spontaneously aborting, know that you are not alone in feeling your pain. Many Christians have gone through similar situations. God walks alongside all of them, helping them through the grief and pain that comes with losing your child.

He cries and suffers with us; He loves us and feels our pain. Jesus Christ promised to send His Spirit to all believers so that we will never have to go through trials alone (John 14:16). Jesus said in Matthew 28:20, “And be sure of this: I am with you always, even to the end of the age.” God wants you to come to Him with your tears, so that He can listen and provide you with love and support. You can even be angry at God – scream and yell at Him! He wants you to feel comfortable letting out your pain so He can begin to help you heal.

Start looking for God in your life. You might find Him working through your husband who is encouraging you through each step of the grieving process. You might find Him in the women who shared their miscarriage stories with you. God may speak to you thorough the books you read about grief and healing. Do not shut Him out yet – He is actually standing next to you.

God isn’t Punishing You

One thing that many people incorrectly believe is that God takes babies away as a form of punishment for the parents. No matter how hard you pray or study the Bible, tragedies will still happen. God would never take away our loved ones from us as a cruel punishment. The Bible says in Romans 8:1 that there is “no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.” Furthermore, Lamentations 3:33 tells us that God “does not enjoy hurting people or causing them sorrow.” God doesn’t want to see you in pain.

Any believer who has suffered a miscarriage should have faith in the hope that one day they may be able to see their child gain in heaven. Jeremiah 1:5 says that God knows us while we are still in the womb. An unborn child is not only a fetus or a “piece of tissue” to God, but is one of His children. He will be able to bring your child into His kingdom. Jesus promised to leave us with a gift of peace unlike any that the world can give in heaven (John 14:27).

Ask the Right Questions

We might not ever understand why a miscarriage happened. Rather than asking God “Why?” choose to ask God “What can I learn about who You are and who I am?” Through this pain, you have an opportunity to grow as a person and build a more solid relationship with the Lord. You will come to know God and be known by God in ways that you never could have if you had not gone through these losses.

God isn’t a Fairy Godmother

Sometimes, God says no. We might not be ready to accept it, but God isn’t going to give us everything we want in life. Think of all the things you have wished God would give you but hasn’t, like financial wealth or career success. Our Lord isn’t a fairy godmother that can grant us a perfect life. Instead, He is our teacher. He gave us free will to live out our lives so we could grow, learn, and shape into the person we are today. Without the situations we have gone through, we would be completely different. If we were given everything we wanted anytime we wanted it, we wouldn’t be who we are today.

Miscarriages and stillbirths are stressful, tragic events, and can be even more stressful when we are forced to try and understand them with our faith. Know that you didn’t lose your child because of God was mad at you, or because God felt you weren’t ready to become a parent, or because God “allowed” Satan to take your baby. Unfortunately we have to accept that sometimes nature is imperfect, and that failure is a possibility.