Beliefnet
Shutterstock.com

You need to kill anger in a relationship before it festers and destroys the marriage. If you think women are too sensitive, well you are right. If your wife is getting angry over things you think are minor, it is not always her fault. A women’s brain is more sensitive to negative emotions, and so is their reaction different from men. Although researchers believe women hold their anger down, it doesn’t mean that they don’t let it all out. They might not be as aggressive as men, but as humans they can be angry with the best of them. All of us feel and react in anger. However, repetitive anger can drive a marriage into the ground. Your wife might handle her anger differently sometimes, but if it is chronic, this is a problem for the relationship. Many people are divorced because of anger and unresolved issues that are swept away. As you move forward in your marriage, here are things to consider when your wife is angry. Remember to take it all in stride. No one can solve all their martial issues in one reading!

The reason for her anger.

All of us have reasons for being angry. If she is picking up your clothes all the time she might feel you don’t care. She may have had a bad day at work and is stressed out. Whatever the root is try to be respectful because being angry can make everyone more steamed. If they are throwing misdirected anger at you, hear them out. She might just want to vent. Ask her what is going on at work or with her family. Sometimes you can pull information that could explain the bursts of anger.

Watch who you vent to.

It is very easy to vent to others about problems in our relationships. When we are so stressed it feels good to vent. Sharing your feelings can be healthy, but watch out. People talk and it can make matters worse for your marriage. Sometimes a family member gets involved and talks in your ear and it stirs the nest up again. You might have been calm about the situation, now you are getting angrier at your wife all over again.

Walk away.

You can never take your words back! Walking away is sometimes the thing to do because nasty words last forever. When you walk away from a situation you can think clearer. Sometimes you have a gut feeling when to excuse yourself when your wife is angry. If you are tired and stressed, her anger might make you explode. When you come back you will be calmer and start the conversation in a healthier matter. Talk about pleasant topics before resuming the tough one. "Be sure that you and your partner are securely back in an emotionally light zone before venturing again into sensitive realms," the Huffington Post shared.

Fight fair.

Since we are married, we don’t need to play games and this means keeping score. Humans don’t like to lose and if you are in sports, that is great. For a marriage, keeping tabs on wrongdoings, will not work. When we keep a score of mistakes and arguments we become cold and aggressive. What happens is we start shutting people off as soon as they start talking. If your wife is furious, don’t bring up past fights. Approach her by communicating in a loving matter. The depth of your love is not determined when things are great. Author Zig Ziglar shared that couples are a team. “Many marriages would be better if the husband and the wife clearly understood that they are on the same side.” Look to be a fair fighter, even if your wife is not.

It may not be them.

What are you doing to contribute to the fights and anger? Be honest about this when you are not in a heated argument. We all play some part in what ails our relationships. We only feel our pain and this prevents us from hearing others and understanding their views. There is no shame in this. No one wants to take the blame.

Understand anger is weakness.

Maybe you never looked at it this way, but anger is not a sign of power. We look at the cause of wars and anger is involved. We look are brokenness in the world and anger is to blame. Men are taught that anger is positive and it shows strength. This is not true. Big dogs don't bark. They don't need to. "Strong and confident men don't need to bark, only the insecure and fearful ones do,” Paired Life offered. Righteous anger is different from what we are talking about. Being angry at injustice is one thing, but anger overall has little place in a relationship. It is something to think about for the both of you. If you both don't bark, anger can be eliminated for the most part. However, this does not mean you have to be walked on. 

Communicate.

Work on communicating that you are worried about the relationship and worried about her being angry all the time. If you approach her in a loving matter, it might soften her and she might open up more. Usually when someone is approached in a non-combative way it can help people resolve conflicts. You both can solve problems better as a team, not as enemies. Don’t worry, most of us can’t communicate well, so don’t be discouraged.

Pray.

Begin to pray for wisdom on how to handle your wife’s anger and for wisdom to better the relationship. Ask your wife how you can help and how you can pray for her. There is power in prayer. Knowing that her husband is praying for her and loves her is the best gift any guy can offer to his wife.

If your wife’s anger is causing trouble in the relationship she needs to take responsibility as well. However, if you work as a team you can overcome things together. We can’t change people but we can change the way we react to them. If you hit a wall, seek help. Don’t be ashamed since none of us have all the answers. Do your part and take solace that you are being proactive in making your marriage last.

Join the Discussion
comments powered by Disqus