We date for a reason and that is to find our absolute match. We may end up dating what seems like the perfect person for us. In the beginning, that is.
Then signs begin to surface. When it comes to someone who is controlling, it may start off gradually and then you are trapped. But these controlling relationships can sneak up on almost anyone.This is where it becomes scary.
Controlling people need to have everything their way. Their insecurities and codependency will drive the behavior until the relationship disintegrates or it becomes injurious. The abusers use an assemblage of vehicles to deceive the person they target. It can be lies, manipulation, guilt or they may play on insecurities. Their ploy might catch you off guard. That is the thing you never know with a master controller--they will lean on whatever tactic to play you. These all play a role in a relationship where one person is dominating the other through control.
How do you know if you are involved with a control freak? Here is what we know so far.
They isolate you.A healthy relationship contributes to our self-esteem and emotional energy. However, a relationship that keeps you away from people is not healthy. The point of this action is to take away your support and power because this will make you more vulnerable. If you see a pattern here, you need to confront and leave the relationship if the person doesn't change. If you are wondering they are isolating you because they love you so much, think again.
They threaten you.We are not talking about physical threats, these are more veiled threats to leave you, take the house or your pets away to get what they want. This can be just as damaging as any other toxic behaviors. "Threats of leaving, cutting off privileges, or even threats by the controlling person to harm herself or himself can be every bit as emotionally manipulative as the threat of physical violence," Psychology Today found. You need to nip this in the bud by setting boundaries and preventing further abuse. Being assertive when someone is threatening to do harm is healthy. However, you need to most likely leave this relationship before it becomes too volatile. Anytime someone threatens to harm you, call the local authorities.
They manipulate you.Manipulation is a well-known tool used by a control freak. Are you dating someone who only wants to meet where they want? Take notice as they feel empowered when they are on their own turf. They will apply pressure to prod you to make an emotional decision. They will offer love so they can get what they want from you like sex. This will keep you on the hook to remain with them. If you have a low self-esteem, they will play on this as well. For example, they might tell you if you were a better partner, they wouldn't have to try to control things.
They use guilt.Controlling people love to make you feel guilty about things that you should not feel guilty about. Guilt makes you feel trapped and this plays right into their hands. They might make you feel bad for wanting to go out or taking courses at school. Basically, anything that threatens their position will result in using guilt as a way to stop you.
They put you down.Another strategy of a controlling person is that they berate you. If they damage your self-esteem, they know you will be more prone to do what they want. Do you feel like you’re not worthy or are worthy to be loved? When confidence is broken you will not feel that you are good enough, not even for love. Really look at the relationship and see if you are given compliments. Do they belittle your dreams or who you are? Maybe they verbally assault you and don't like to be challenged, so they call you names. If this is the case, cut ties with this person. The situation will only become worse.
They are jealous.If a partner believes that every encounter is flirtatious or they are suspicious, this paranoia is damaging to all involved, Psychology Today continued. "A partner who views every interaction you have as being flirtatious is suspicious or threatened by multiple people you come in contact with, or faults you for innocent interactions may be insecure, anxious, competitive or even paranoid." Being jealous in the beginning can be flattering, but if it is ongoing, beware. A relationship can't thrive on jealousy or suspicion. Jealousy could start fights and these fights could escalate into violence.
They make you earn their trust.A controlling person is often skilled at making deals with the other person. They might make a deal with you to stop hanging out with friends to prove that you love or care about them. In their view, you are a guilty, even if there are no facts to back it up. They want you to back up everything that you have done through the day or while you were at work so they can be at peace. They might decide that your motives are pure over time. But by then, you would have broken up with this loser as this way of living is not healthy.
If you are dating someone who is controlling, you need to pack up and jet towards another relationship. Unless the person is honestly trying to clean up their mess, you can't waste your energy on a chump who is a control freak. You can use your time to find a more fitting match than a person using you as a marionette.