6 Common Dating Dealbreakers

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Most people have a vision of what their perfect partner is like. He may be smart, funny, handsome and romantic. She may be clever, quick-witted and outdoorsy. He may be tall and fair. She may be thin with dark hair. He will take his date out dancing and for long walks on the beach. She will laugh at terrible jokes and enjoy horseback riding.

While everyone has an ideal partner in mind, most people are self-aware enough to realize that they will not get everything they want in a partner. They might find a woman who is funny, outdoorsy and clever, but she is short and blonde instead of tall and raven haired. They might meet someone who is smart, funny, handsome and romantic, but he does not like to dance. Each time this happens, people have to decide how important those missing qualities are to them. If you adore dancing, then you may be willing to wait for someone who will at least join you on the floor. You might also meet someone who is gorgeous but cannot understand sarcasm to save their life.

The things that people cannot stand in a partner are often called dealbreakers. The other person could be absolutely everything someone wants, but there is one thing that is missing or there is an extra trait the person cannot stand. Dealbreakers differ among people, but there are some that crop up in a large portion of the population. Here are six common dealbreakers that will keep potential partners at arm’s length.

Smoking

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For most non-smokers, smoking is a huge turnoff. Beyond the physical danger that a smoker is constantly putting themselves in, most non-smokers do not want to have to put up with the inconveniences that come with dating a smoker. Non-smokers do not want to kiss those who have been smoking since the smoker “tastes like an ashtray.” Some smokers are obnoxious about their addiction and insist on smoking inside the house or car. Non-smokers, however, have no more interest in inhaling second hand smoke than smoking the cigarette themselves. Even respectful smokers, however, carry the smell of smoke with them everywhere. The scent clings to a smoker’s hair, skin and clothes. As such, any car or apartment they are in for any length of time begins to smell faintly of stale smoke. Most non-smokers have no desire to deal with that odor. Smoking is also very expensive, and non-smokers looking for a serious relationship will be wary of joining finances with someone who suffers from an expensive addiction.

Smokers should also be aware that non-smokers do not often differentiate between smoking cigarettes, cigars and vaping. It all goes in the person’s mouth, it all sticks to their clothing and it all smells. Non-smokers tend to want nothing to do with any of it.

Poor Hygiene

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Most people are not looking to date someone who is the poster child for stereotypical OCD. They are not looking for someone who is a complete germaphobe or who is unable to go get the paper from the end of the driveway without first styling their hair. A large number of people like the idea of a partner who wakes up with bedhead and drinks coffee in their pajamas. The majority of people recognize that the person they are dating is human and so will not look like a magazine cover model all the time. That said, most people are not interested in dating a complete slob. They do not want to be with someone who washes their hair once every two weeks or is incapable of putting on a clean shirt. Nearly everyone understands that there will be days when their partner is lounging around in old sweats or ratty jeans. Frankly, most people want there to be days like that so that they can join their partner in wearing ancient hoodies and warm socks. The majority of people do not expect their partner to always look perfect. They do, however, expect them to be able to look after their hygiene better than the average five year old.

Obsessed With the Ex

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Most people who are dating have had another relationship in the past. They met someone else, dated for a while and then decided that, for whatever reason, it was best for them to go their separate ways. Sometimes breakups are amiable, and the two people stay friends. Other times, there is screaming and crying and insults. There are also times when one person is ready to move on, but the other person does not want the relationship to end.

Given how many ways a relationship can end, it is no surprise that people take different amounts of time to get over their exes. Some people, usually those who initiated the breakup, can get over the other person quickly and jump back into the dating game. Others need time and distance to deal with any lingering feelings.

Most people understand that a person’s ex played an important role in their life and that, unless the other person never speaks about the years during which they knew their ex, the ex will inevitably come up in conversation occasionally. It should, however, be just that: occasionally. If a person cannot stop talking about their ex, the odds are good that they are not actually over their ex. No one wants to play second fiddle to a person who is not even there.

History of Cheating

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The world is filled with cheaters who swear that they suffered from “a moment of weakness” and “it will never happen again.” The reality is, however, that most people who cheat are more than capable of doing so again. The cheater was perfectly willing to betray their partner’s trust, lie, sneak around and make a mockery of their integrity. The cheater was willing to throw their morals aside in the past. Why would they not be willing to do so in the future?

Relationships are built on trust, and there can be no trust with a cheater. Cheaters have shown by their actions that they were perfectly willing to destroy their primary relationship in pursuit of a second. Why would this relationship be any different? Most people are unwilling to have any sort of relationship with a cheater because they know it is only a matter of time before they are the one being cheated on.

Pets

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People dote on their pets. They sneak their dogs table scraps and follow their cats around the house announcing how the animal is “such a pretty little kitty.” Birds can make an unholy racket without phasing their owners, and reptiles are routinely lent body heat and blankets. Tarantulas and scorpions are carried around the house, and rabbits are transported carefully out into the yard. When ferrets steal jewelry, cats knock over vases, snakes squeeze themselves into the tissue box with no intention of leaving and dogs chew shoes, owners tend to get angry but let it go quickly. Now compare that to how long it takes for a human to let go of a forgotten anniversary.

Pets tend to be part of the family, and most pet owners refuse to date someone who will not love the animalistic family members. Tarantula owners will not date an arachnophobe, and no one who is afraid of snakes is going to have a long relationship with someone who owns a Red Tailed Boa. People who are allergic to cats will not mesh well with a cat owner, and heaven help the person who tries dating a dog owner without gushing over the canine. It may be frustrating to those who do not love animals, but most pet owners take their responsibilities to their animal companions seriously. The dog, cat, snake, horse or chinchilla is there to stay, and if someone does not like that? Well, the pet owner can always find another date.

Religion

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“Tolerance” and “diversity” are the buzzwords today, and those values are defended viciously. As such, many people may be reluctant to admit to the fact that religious differences can be a serious dealbreaker.

Religion heavily influences values and morals. Japan, for example, lacks the serious taboo against suicide that is present throughout the Western world. Why? Suicide is a sin in Christianity which is the main influence on Western culture, but not in Shintoism which was Japan’s earliest religion. Religious influences, as such, can lead to differing value systems that do not mesh well in a relationship.

Contrary to what some people may think, only wanting to date someone of the same religion does not mean that a person is a bigot. Many people want to be able to share their spiritual journey with their partner and that does not always work across religions. A Buddhist and Muslim, for example, may both have plans to grow in their faith, but those plans may not be compatible. The two can still be good friends, but they may decide against dating someone with whom they will be unable to share the spiritual part of their life. There are also, of course, practical concerns when the purity codes of different religions do not mix. Cooking two dinners or owning two sets of cookware could get very tiring, very quickly.