Beliefnet

How can you be sure that a marriage will last? There is no way of knowing, outside of seeing a psychic. There is no book that can predict or offer guidance, either. No wonder marriage has to be one of the hardest things to work at in life besides raising kids. Most of us don't have a clue about it either. If we admit it, none of us really do, and there are no miracle cures. There are people who don't want to do the work and divorce for reasons like boredom or feeling they need a fresh face in their life. Situations exist when people got married based on infatuation, not real love and friendship. This has caused issues in their relationship since no solid foundation was created.

Regardless, of how hard the problem is to solve, looking to divorce should never be the answer unless there are serious violations within the relationship. If the problem is your spouse not cleaning the house or picking up dirty socks, then you might want to see a therapist. Divorcing someone for not cleaning as well as you desire is not grounds to see a lawyer (you might be surprised how much intolerance leads people to divorce court!). Everyone fights and don't always agree, sometimes they need someone to step in to mediate. “The key is to develop ground rules so that each partner feels respected and heard. Sometimes it takes a third party “referee” to help define those rules and teach us to move through the charged emotions so resentments don't linger,” Tango reported. If the circumstances of infidelity, lying, stealing, or verbal abuse are part of the story, it could be time to leave the marriage. These issues should never be taken lightly as it could harm you and children if you have them. Here is a practical look at the 7 reasons when you should get a divorce, and what to think about.

Therapy is not working.

Are you seeing a therapist and not seeing the results after infidelity? Many couples go to counseling after one or both have affairs. However, if the cheating continues, there will need to be a decision made. Those who accept the person even if they do continue to go outside the marriage needs to reassess the reasons they are remaining in the relationship. It can be a self-esteem issue or they are afraid to be alone. But if someone is cheating and not considering your feelings--they need to go. You must ask yourself: "How much am I willing to take?"

Staying for the wrong reasons.

Remaining in a relationship where you are afraid to be alone, and you don’t love the person is a sign that it is over. Staying in a marriage to avoid being single is not much of a marriage, there is little endurance in that arrangement. People stay for the kids, property, or security as well. Overtime the truth will shine through and your spouse will eventually realize you don’t love them. Perhaps, this has been the feeling all along. A relationship like that will never last unless there was an agreement in the beginning. But not marrying for any love is a mistake, and unfair.

You are abused.

If there is any abuse be it sexual, physical, verbal or emotional, you need to see law enforcement and a lawyer. There are times when a mediator can help the relationship, but no physical abuse is mild. If they question your every move, humiliates you, isolates you from friends and family, or blames you for them hitting you--this is abuse. Abuse is never healthy and don’t become a statistic. There are hotlines, like the National Domestic Violence hotline 24 hours a day, if you feel that your life is in danger. They can assist in finding transitional housing, counseling, and other resources to help you get away. No one is going to judge you for calling and seeking out help as needed.

They steal.

Another reason to leave a union is that they are stealing money from you. If they gamble, don’t work, and steal milk money, they need to go. Especially, if you repeatedly sought help as a couple or help individually to take care of the problem. Deep issues like gambling never go away quickly, but if you are going into severe debt and they steal food money where the kids don't have any? Dump them as exposing yourself and the family to these actions will leave bad memories that can last forever.

There is no intimacy.

Additionally, it might be time to seek legal advice for a divorce, if there is no intimacy, and you sleep in different rooms. If you are acting more like roommates and not lovers, this is a serious issue. Maybe therapy was given a shot, and you continue to drift apart, perhaps it should end. The reasons to split may outweigh the reason to remain in what is an unhealthy relationship. For example, if your spouse wants you to stay at home with the kids, and you want to go back to school, there is a problem. It might not be a reason to get divorced. If they are dead-set on not wanting you to spend time away from the home doing other work, then expectations really got confused or overlooked. A good reminder is you can't change anyone.

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