9 Ways to Heal After Tragedy

By Leslie Haskin

Leslie Haskin was working in the World Trade Center's Tower One on the morning of September 11, 2001. Although she miraculously escaped before the building collapsed, she later suffered a mental breakdown and was diagnosed with severe post-traumatic stress disorder. But through her Christian faith, medical help and therapy, the support of her friends and family, and the comfort of journaling, she eventually began her healing journey.

In her book, Held, Haskin shares the following steps that were instrumental in her healing from the tragedy of 9/11. Her hope is that they may help others reclaim their lives after trauma.

Get Out of Bed

It's difficult right now, I know, but there is a lot of sunshine out there just waiting for you to enjoy. Step into the light.

After 9/11, I boarded my windows and my doors because I was afraid the Taliban was living in the shed in my backyard. I couldn't go in basements for fear the ceiling would collapse on top of me. Getting out of bed in the morning was meaningless. There was nothing, other than the deeper recesses of insanity, waiting in my day. I spent a lot of days crying and a lot of nights being sick from crying all day.

As you progress in your personal journey of recovery toward healing, remember that there are no rules here. Right now, it is what it is, and recovery means rebuilding trust. I suggest to you, my friends, that it's a lot easier to be who you are and to start from where you are. Travel this road at your own pace. There is hope on the other side of wherever you are right now. You will laugh again, dance again, and feel joy again.

Find a Safe Place in Your Mind

Before you start the following exercises, envision a safe place in your mind that you can run away to when reliving the event gets to be too hard. Escaping to that place will help you to breathe through the pain and open you up for God's healing touch.

My safe place was my mother's living room in front of her piano as she sang. When I was a child, there was no safer place in the world to be. During my healing process, every time I felt anxious or afraid, I immediately imagined that I was home again, in the safety of my mother's house and at her favorite spot, her piano.

Be Honest About What You Remember

It's difficult to keep all the facts in some understandable order because our mind has a tendency to skip from one thing to another. That's okay. I was told by my therapist that's how we process the event. It's important not to suppress the feelings or the events.

I wrote down everything I remembered. I made special note of the smells and the sounds I experienced. Both were particularly upsetting to me, because both were prominent in my memories of that day. Writing it all down was the most terrifying thing that I have ever done. But I did it, and surprisingly, it helped.

Validate the Impact of the Trauma

It's important to your healing that you don't downplay the impact that the event or trauma has had on your life and your emotions. It's a train wreck. Acknowledge it. Please, please don't hide behind God in a pretense of faith. There are wounds that only you and God know about, and it's time to let Him see them so that He can repair in you what is broken, making you softer to the touch. You can trust Him.

In one of my journal entries, I wrote about how I was tired of everyone saying that I had survived for a reason. Here's what I wrote:

February 2002
I talked to Cindy, and she told me just what everyone else has been telling me...maybe I survived for a reason. God has something planned for me. Doesn't He have something planned for everybody? That makes me so mad...arggghhh...who is God anyway...they don't even know...we're all probably going to die and go to hell. And so what if He does have some plan for my life...I'll probably just *%$#@ that up too...man, I hate this!!!!!! I didn't even know what day it was this morning.

In your journal, write a list of the effects that this tragedy has had on you. Talk about the areas that you most want to hide. Whisper them to the Lord.

Be Open and Honest with God

Trust Him with your thoughts and the full range of your emotions. This should be a "no holds barred" conversation. God has given you the right and the permission to be honest with Him. He doesn't punish us for telling the truth, even if the truth is ugly and not very Christian-like.

Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Hebrews 4:16, NKJV)

I noticed of lot of things about what I believed when I wrote in this area. I saw patterns of anger and doubt about who God was in relationship to the world and on a personal level. I also wrote about how I didn't think my parents prepared me to face tragedy. Looking back, I realized that I needed someone to be angry with, because I wasn't honest enough to be angry with God. Admitting the truth about my anger with God decreased my anxiety level. I no longer suppressed what I was feeling. I no longer needed to be ashamed. I felt what I felt, and He loved me anyway.

Make God Real for You

The idea here is to acknowledge God's power and who He is. It's important to allow Him to move from the gray-haired old man in the clouds to a personal Lord, Father, and Savior. First, envision what God might look like to you. Then identify a place in your home for you to meet Him and set a place for two. Set aside a time every day and meet Him in that place. Pull up a chair and read your journal to Him. The reason for doing this is to deepen your connection by making God more than an intangible.

This was the best and most productive exercise for me. You see, although I knew who God was, He was always my parents' God. I had never taken the time to try to make Him my own.

People are visual. It helps us to become more intimate with God, if we can somehow visualize Him. For me, using the attributes of my sister, who is sweet and loving, but very direct, my brother, who is extremely kind and wise, and my teacher, who is one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, makes it easier for me to relate to God on a personal level. This view remains constant.

Surround Yourself with Loving, Patient Friends

Healing is not the same as recovery. Recovery is medically defined, but healing addresses the restoration of wholeness to heart, mind, and soul. Recovery is about temporal living, and healing is about the everlasting. This journey will be an experience that will open you up, make you vulnerable, and if you are honest, at times might be more painful than the tragedy itself. You'll need someone there for you who will be always willing to pray...right then...out loud.

I spoke most often to my brother and my pastor. They were not always happy to witness my meltdowns, but they were always there to hear them. God also gave me other friends who would not be judgmental. My friend Mimi was incredible. She slept over at times, cooked for my son and me, and watched Lifetime movies with me all night long. She went into my backyard with me, and as small as it might seem, she stayed out there with me and even helped me pick up leaves. All the while, she never stopped telling me, "It's okay, girl."

My friends Cindy and Melissa were incredible. They were new friends from church, and I believe they were exactly who I needed. We prayed together and talked often about Scripture and how they began their walk of faith and God's plans for my life. We even talked about their views of my life.

There are no words to express the value of their friendship during that time.

Spend Time Alone with the Beloved

"Begin small and start promptly" is an old Quaker saying. The idea is to keep things simple and to begin them soon. Every great goal must be reduced to smaller intermediate goals, which I like to think of as steps. In this journey, we take one step at a time until we reach our final destination. Getting there requires going one day at a time and having time alone with God.

I have a room in my home that I call my prayer room. It is filled with candles, fountains, and mementos that I've collected in my travels. I have books, a Bible, and even a fainting couch near the window. I go there often, and when I step into that room, I now automatically envision God there, and we start talking. I drop all the cares of this world at the door and just literally lay down at His feet.

Because I know He meets me there, sometimes I imagine that He can hardly wait for me to get a good foot into the room before He's already telling me about my day. I'm smiling back at Him as I light a candle near the waterfall that stands in the corner beneath my window. The candle creates ambiance.

As I'm lighting the candle and listening to my Beloved speak, I'm remembering that the safety He provides from this room goes beyond these four walls. It follows me into all the world, and I draw strength, faith, and hope from that knowledge and trust from Him. I am remembering who I am and feeling somehow very worthy of peace and love...His love.