How to Marry a Mensch

How to Marry a Mensch: 10 Tips

By Robin Gorman Newman

When I was single, the last thing I expected was to one day be offering advice on the subject of how to marry a mensch. But after years of pounding the dating pavement, I learned a lot and ultimately met and married my "Mr. Right Mensch." (A mensch is defined as "a decent, responsible person," and I like to add, "who even your mother would love!") While there is no surefire way to meet a mensch, based on my own experience, and those of couples I interviewed, mensches without a doubt make the best marriage material.

Marriage is another phase of life and a personal choice. It's not the only way to go, but if you want to walk down the aisle, you will want to choose someone who will truly stand the test of time--and that is a mensch. You owe it to yourself to choose one as a life-partner, if you aspire to settle down. Here are 10 tips to help you on your way to meeting and marrying your mensch.

How to Marry a Mensch: Tip 1...

Robin Gorman Newman is the founder of LoveCoach.com and the author of, "How to Meet a Mensch in New York" and "How to Marry a Mensch." She offers private consults to singles, teaches workshops, and writes the blog, "Relationship Rap with Robin."

Doing Good Does You Good

Good attracts good. If you give back, you will reap the rewards in more ways than one. I'm a strong believer in volunteer work. If you are wondering how to identify a mensch, it is someone who puts others before themselves. And what better way than through philanthropy?!

Pick a cause that means something to you, and consider joining a committee to help plan a fundraiser. When you attend the event, it is easier to talk to people because you'll know others who are involved. If fundraisers aren't for you, there are countless other options: volunteer in a soup kitchen, collect coats for the homeless, visit an animal shelter, or help the elderly. Whatever you choose, you are more likely to meet a big-hearted, quality person who shares your commitment to doing good in the world.

Live Like You Want to Get Married

There is a big difference between acting like you want to get married and thinking it. The average single person, when asked if they want to get married, would say yes. But what vibe do they, or you, give off when you're socializing? Acting like you want to get married means having the mindset to make it happen. You need to give people a chance, be open to commitment, and make a concerted effort to try new things and break old socializing patterns that are zapping your energy.

Do you look approachable when you go out? Do you make eye contact? Do you initiate a conversation? Do you have a business or personal card handy if someone wants to exchange phone numbers? Part of looking for true love is being prepared to find it, even when you least expect it.

Avoid a Tunnel Vision Approach

By tunnel vision, I'm referring to someone whose requirements for a mate are so specific that they limit their opportunities for romance. For example, I once coached a single Jewish male who wanted to meet a Jewish woman. The only social activities he pursued were those labeled "Jewish," and he was getting bored seeing lots of the same faces. I suggested he consider being less restrictive. There are many Jewish singles--and those of other faiths--who don't attend religious functions or events specific to their religion. They may engage in more interest-oriented activities, like biking or hiking. You do yourself a disservice if you limit your pursuits, so be open-minded and you might even discover a new passion or two.

Make the Date

I caution you to resist the temptation of overdoing email when you "meet" someone on an internet dating site or hand out your email address to someone you've met casually. It's so easy to correspond endlessly before you make the date. And, all too often, I've seen people later get hugely disappointed when they finally get together and the date falls flat.

Through email, people tend to reveal too much, almost as if they are writing in a journal. But there is something to be said for creating a little mystique. If you tell all before you meet, where do you go from there? I had one love-coaching client who actually fell in love (or deep infatuation) through an extensive email exchange. She was convinced he was "The One" (he wasn't). So schedule a date and save your conversation for the real world--not the computer. First impressions mean much more in person.