June 30, 2016

Did you feel a divine presence?

Yes, yes. I was feeling. I was humming with reverence. I felt the presence of the Almighty very much in my body-and I wasn't having a nervous breakdown [laughs] and I wasn't spacing out, or anything like that. It was very heavy and-you know, it's hard to get the words out these days because it's so loaded politically, and it scares me to say it-but I was saved.

And then I began to go to Bible study class, and it didn't take long for me to think, "Uh oh, I've made a terrible mistake, this is not for me." I started going to churches and I fled. I just fled.

Because the teachings led you to believe it was a patriarchal system?

Yeah, yeah. What I was feeling on my own was not a "Lord above." It was not-well, it certainly had nothing to do with woman being the downfall of man. You know-

You couldn't relate to the "old man in the sky" idea-

It wasn't a man in the sky! It was, it was: Come on! When we talk about-depending on how you talk about it-God, the Almighty, Sophia, a greater power, whatever-can't you understand that this is beyond gender? This is beyond anything that we can imagine. I mean, we can't even describe it. I understand why people latch onto gender things, but this is not a man. But because people have taken it so literally, it becomes gender and hence, hierarchal. And it just made my teeth grate. The more I studied, in the very kind of linear, fundamentalist way, the more I felt reverence leaking away from me.

I never ever would have gone public with this, ever. A person who had been driving me at that time (because Ted and I shared a car) went on a website and said he had brought me to Christ. And it just spread like wildfire and became front page news. I was outed, and it was just a tremendous betrayal. I never would have [gone public with this] because it was too new. And then I discovered that it wasn't what I was-I thought, this is wrong for me.

Did you stop going to Bible study?

Yes. Yes, I did. And I went for a couple of years feeing bereft. And I was really very sad. So now I'm on my own [in 2000 and 2001, after separating from Ted Turner] and for about a year, I'm confused. I think I've made a mistake.