We do not have a happy report, as we have not been able to find a suitable candidate for pastor of our church thus far. We do, however, have one promising prospect. The following is our confidential report on the candidates:
Good man, but has problems with his wife.
Former pastorate of 120 years with no converts. Prone to unrealistic building projects.
A big thinker, but a braggart. Interprets dreams. Has a prison record.
Modest and meek, but poor communicator; even stutters at times. Sometimes blows his stack and acts rashly in business meetings.
The most promising candidate of all, until we discovered the affair he had with a neighbor’s wife.
Great preacher, but serious woman problems.
Prone to depression; collapses under pressure.
Told us he was swallowed by a huge fish. He said the fish later spit him out on the shore near here. We hung up.
Backward and unpolished. With some seminary training, he might have promise; but he has a problem with wealthy people.
Says he’s a Baptist, but doesn’t dress like one. Sleeps in the outdoors, has a weird diet, and provokes denominational leaders.
Powerful CEO type and fascinating preacher. But he’s short on tact, unforgiving with young ministers, harsh, and has been known to preach all night.
His references are solid. A steady plodder. Conservative. Good connections. Knows how to handle money. We’re inviting him to preach this Sunday with great hopes that he will accept our offer!
From "Moses' Favorite Travel Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.