-from "Supermodel Beverly Johnson Talks about Panic Disorder," an endorsement interview at SmithKline Beecham's website for Paxilr
So, Mr. Kierkegaard, when did you start having problems with anxiety? ...Mr. Kierkegaard? Mr. Kierkegaard?
Huh? Oh, sorry. I caught a wave of euphoria, and I just had to ride it all the way onto the beach. Ahhhh! You were saying.
When did you start having problems with anxiety?
Alas, I was in the deepest sense an unfortunate individual who had from the earliest age been nailed fast to one suffering or another, to the verge of insanity. On top of that, my father made me dress like a sissy-other lads at school didn't have skirts to their coats.
How did anxiety affect your social life?
I didn't really get out much, until I started taking Prokilr and moved from dark and dismal Denmark to Rancho Cucamonga, out here in California. That's where I met and married my darling wife, Betty.
Yes. But none of that before Prokilr .
No, no. We'd spend entire days, father and I, pacing back and forth across the living room pretending we were outdoors, smelling fresh bread at the bakery and waving to passing carriages. As we walked father would occasionally stop and gaze on me with that sorrowful countenance. "Poor child," he'd say, "you are going into a quiet despair." He never explained what that meant, but no matter-I understood.
I see, and .
After father died when I was 25, I learned to imitate his voice to fill the void in my life. "Poor child," I'd tell myself, sitting on an imaginary park bench, the eternal night brooding within me, "you are going into a quiet despair."
But that was before Prokilr souped up my serotonin levels and cleaned my proverbial clock!
Well, back then I broke off my engagement to fair Regine Olsen, whom I loved more than all the aeblskiver in Copenhagen. I thought I was making a religious decision! Like Abraham, another big-time anxiety sufferer.
How do you explain your behavior back then?
Actually, I believed I'd received a divine command to sacrifice what was dearest to me and to forgo any hope of happiness. I thought I'd been called to dump Regine to pursue the solitary life of a religious scribe. My task? To rattle the status quo, challenge people to examine their most cherished beliefs. I guess what they say is right, misery does love company!
What changes did you notice when you started taking Prokilr?
Decreased appetite and sexual drive, sweating, nausea, constipation, slack-jaw drooling and an urge to skip work and re-pot houseplants-the usual stuff.
Well, besides the side effects.
Oh, Prokilr completely changed my life! I suddenly felt like I was hooked to a cappuccino machine night and day. I now have five beautiful children and I'm pulling in some serious extra cash, without undo toil, stumping for Prokilr and selling Herbalife on the weekends!
And your writing?
I dropped that, got into life insurance. I wouldn't read a book like "Fear and Trembling" or "The Sickness Unto Death" or "The Concept of Anxiety"-would you? Much less write one.
Your life sounds full.
Too full! I also joined the Rotary and I teach Sunday school at Robert Schuller's Crystal Cathedral over in Garden Grove.
What advice do you have for others?
I used to think anxiety was crucial for faith, that it somehow made us aware of ourselves as spiritual beings. You know, clued us into our standing between the finite and the infinite, the temporal and the eternal. Whatever! But I do know this-Prokilr is chicken soup for this man's soul.