The Queen of My Self


January is all about new beginnings and fresh starts. Time to think about what we want and what we need in the New Year. Time to set our intentions and goals, make plans and lists. Take on projects to further our dreams and enhance our power.

Mari Selby, VA   

Eve Ensler: “Good is towing the line, being behaved, being quiet, being passive, fitting in, being liked; and great is being messy, having a belly, speaking your mind, standing up for what you believe in, fighting for another paradigm, not letting people talk you out of what you know to be true.”

According to the Christian bible Eve was the original “bad girl”. Eve’s original sin was to stop “being good” and, instead follow the desire to act on her spiritual and intellectual hunger. She ate the apple with curiosity and the recognition that she wanted more than what “Eden” provided. For millennia women have been labeled as “good” if we follow the rules, don’t ask too many questions, and stifle our passions. Fortunately we now live in an exciting time when our hunger for spiritual, intellectual and emotional fulfillment is supported and encouraged. And much of this support and encouragement comes from us talking to each other and sharing our visions!

The desire to be that “good” girl is still deeply ingrained in all of us. As Eve Ensler talks about in her “Vagina Monologues”, this self-hatred we carry requires choices. Choices such as giving ourselves the healing we need, and then redirecting and transforming this self-hatred toward changing the world. First, imagine all the energy we use to make ourselves sexier, more adorable, skinnier, and more successful. Then imagine, instead using all that energy to make a difference in our world! Now imagine all the money we would save if we directed our finances toward what we believe in rather than making ourselves over?

What stops us from exploring our passions? What is the negative self-talk we continually hear? Maybe we have finally decided to accept our curly hair, our big brown eyes, or full lips? For those of us growing wiser, maybe we finally have come to peace with our flabby, aging bodies? Maybe we aren’t so afraid to stick our necks out and stand up for what we believe in? And still it is so easy to fall short of our sense of “perfection”. Whenever we criticize ourselves mercilessly for not doing enough in our day, we are bleeding away our spiritual life force. The ways we pinch ourselves and make ourselves smaller is endless, exhausting, and fruitless.

What can we do to enhance a new paradigm, heal ourselves, and inspire others to follow their own enthusiasm? We can unearth our stories, create them in whatever form they take, and liberally share them with all those we love. Every one of us has creative bones. The phrase, “I don’t have a creative bone in my body” is a lie perpetuated to keep women being “good”. Our creativity takes so many different forms, from writing our stories, to reading books to our children, to making dinner for our family, to singing our songs. Our creativity shines when we take care of our 4-legged friends, nurture our gardens and plants, or smile at everyone we meet. Our creativity is as unlimited as we choose to believe, and as vast as the night sky. We are all stars and meant to shine with our uniqueness and beauty.

Patricia Lynn Reilly: “Imagine a woman who believes it is right and good that she is a woman. A woman who honors her experience and tells her stories…Imagine yourself as this woman.”

This month’s exercise is to plan how you are going to enhance your creativity. The first step in this exercise is to write down your top five passions. What do you most long to explore, learn about, or further study? Perhaps your passion is to grow orchids? Perhaps your greatest passion is to support your friends in their artistic endeavors? Perhaps you have been telling stories since you were a child? The next step in enhancing your creativity is to outline 3 concrete steps you can do over the next month to develop these passions. Will you research how to take care of orchids, and where to buy them? Will you talk to your friends about their creative passions, and determine how you can best support them? Will you get a notebook and start writing down the stories you have been telling? There is power in decision, power in action, and power in allowing ourselves to explore our passions. That power is yours to mold and shape in whatever way you choose.

In the beginning there may have been just Eve, but we are here now, and our collective consciousness is a powerful force that is changing the world.
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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