Beliefnet
The Queen of My Self

by Shiloh Sophia

When Everything You Think You Know Changes
what do you do then?
When all that you dreamed
you might cause
shifts
what do you dream then?
When who you thought you were
isn’t
how then to re-invent?
When how you believed the world to be
deconstructs
how shall you trust again?
When the ideas of childhood are no longer
whole
how do you re-connect to innocence?
When the instruction manual you have been using
de-materializes
what step-by-step do you follow?
When the life you thought you would have
is out of view
how then shall you claim a new one?
When the paradigm you were living in
no longer makes sense
how do you enter one that matches who you are?
When your heart hurts and the crack is opening
even more
how do you continue to love and to listen?
When the unraveling has begun you must just wait
on the Beloved.
Sit in the broken sanctuary of your own heart
even if the wonder and cries are so loud,
that you cry all day. Know that you are not alone.
Don’t try to get through it, get it done
or rush to the next thing or to resolution
or the illusiveness of completion.
Don’t make up different stories to go in the place
of the old ones right now. New stories are emerging.
Sit in the discomfort and
the spaciousness.
Practice the thought that somewhere,
you have a memory, that knows that healing, is indeed, possible.
And that dreaming again, is part of the healing itself.
This takes courage that you don’t know the source of.
Risk dreaming into the future even when the “right now”,
still stings your eyes and the scars on your heart are still raw.
You MIGHT have to make yourself dream. RISK this act of unreasonable dreaming!
We, who walk the road of suffering and transformation with you,
will be right beside you as you dare to dream.

 

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to thequeenofmyself@aol.com.

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