The Queen of My Self

What do you need to let go of?
I asked this question to the many Queens who have joined the Facebook page of The Queen of My Self.

Q.  What have you have already released and what do you still need to part with — mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually?

Here are some of their responses:

A.  I have let go of all those who disrespect me. I even had to tell my most dear intimate partner that we need to move away from each other. Yes, we will stay intimate partners, but we need to live in two separate spaces. I have felt MUCH better since I made this decision, expressed it and took some concrete actions toward really separating our spaces. BLESSED BE RELEASING!! First, it’s about getting CLEAR about your Queenly Boundaries and how you want to run your REALM. Then, you put the boundaries in place and not doubting your ROYAL DECREE to run your life the way YOU want it and reject the way you do not want it. Next, take ACTION towards what you DESIRE. Never waver. Never give up. ALWAYS continue to take good and right actions until you build up your realm to your imagined PERFECTION. BLESSED BE QUEENS!!
Sheryll, CA

 I don’t know if it’s inhibitions or fear, but I need to give up those voices (real and internal “tapes”) that tell me I “can’t,” or “shouldn’t” do something. Sometimes it really is your intuition cautioning good judgment, but so many times it’s just the fears and misunderstanding that many people in my life and I give into. The biggest lesson was learning that I wouldn’t be struck dead by doing something my mom didn’t think I should do — and I’m still learning that lesson.
– Rachel, VA

A.  I need to release the fear of feeling lonely, to break the chains of dependency.
– Susana, Mexico


A.  I need to let go of the negative people in my life. I continually allow myself to get dragged down into their drama and misery.
– Maria, CO
A.  My answer to the Queen’s Questions: I let go of things or people who try to define me! I am ever changing minute by minute, and I am not the same at any given point. So to all who want me in a box, you can just Kiss this Sweet Love’n Queen’s A**! I am exactly who I am because I DEFINE ME! Signed~The Katress of Morris Park
– Kat, MN

 Fear, despair, hypochondria, distrust, disconnection, shame, lack of worth and apathy. It’s a good thing they co-exist with a lot of positive too!
– Lisa, NY

 My need to belittle myself in order to prevent challenging change.
– Sandy, IL

 I need to let go of putting others in much higher esteem than myself!
– Lorelei, Manitoba, Canada

A.  I need to release isolation and loneliness… 🙁
– Brooke

A.  I need to let go of my attachment to the good opinions of others.
– Mara

A.  Control. Just control.
– Sarah, NY

I’m releasing needing others to be rational, fair or just plain real. People build up their worlds, and deserve to live in them. Not in my control, not my business. Also giving up the need to address the arrows they sling at me. Not my business, and if they have a problem, too bad, its NOT my problem. 🙂 They can talk their talk, it defines them, not me. I now define myself by putting my attention only on things that deserve my attention, speaking truths not rebuttals.
– Gail

A.  Gail, me too. Watching my feeling reactive to “others” Some times I do react if I am not feeling irritated and just a bit amused…then just for the fun of it. Difficult pattern to dissolve.
– Dale

A.  Doubt.
– Helena

 Wanting everyone to be like me!
– Katherine, KS

A.  Wanting everyone to like me.
– Cathy, VA

A.  I need to let go of taking things personally and realizing that most people, if not all, are coming from their own experiences that have nothing to do with me.
– Pam, OH

A.  Need to part with Fear, feeling “less-than”, grief over things, relationships lost. It’s always good to read these and know that even though our particular position in the universe is unique, we share so much in common; and so much of what we share we hide or is concealed. Truly, this saying seems so pertinent, “be kinder than necessary, for you never know what battles the other is facing.”
– Terri, CA

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Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

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