The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

Cougar Queen – Part 1

It is summer, hot and horny, and I am on a roll. So I am going to continue this theme of beauty, attraction, seduction, sex, love and self-love until I run out of content!

I came across this article in the Palm Springs Desert Sun:

Desert Cougar Crowned Queen of the Singles Jungle
By Mariecar Mendoza

Cougars have been roaming the Coachella Valley for years, sleek, fit and ready to pounce — or to be pounced on.

But they’re not the mountain lion variety. These cougars are women in their middle years or older, who are sexy, confident and sophisticated.

“The modern older woman is not your mommy or your grandma anymore,” said Palm Desert resident Judy Steinberg, author of “Fabulous After 50 and Sexy at 60.” “We have evolved socially because Baby Boomers have turned everything upside down.”


From Hollywood stars like Demi Moore, Mariah Carey and Courtney Cox — who plays a hot divorcee in ABC’s “Cougar Town” (the second season wrapped up Wednesday) — women over 40 have become a hot commodity in the singles scene.

And 73-year-old Aalsa Lee of Palm Springs is just one of the hottest examples.

The great-grandmother of two was recently crowned Miss Cougar America by the Society of Single Professionals, a Bay Area-based group that boasts it’s the “world’s largest nonprofit singles organization.”

“I never considered myself a cougar, but it seems to be a title that has stuck with me,” Lee said, laughing. “But I’m a natural-born flirt, so it all comes easy.”

Lee, who earned the crown April 29 at a Cougar Convention in New York, is the oldest Miss Cougar America the organization has crowned since hosting its annual conventions in 2009, said Rich Gosse, chairman of the Society of Single Professionals.


“It just blew our minds. We’ve never had any woman that age win the title, but we’re delighted,” Gosse said.

“It really says something about how older women are changing the dating scene.”

Cougars are generally defined as women 40 and older who continue to remain youthful, fun and active enough to attract younger men — or “cubs” — at least 10 years their junior.

“It’s hard to find men around my age that are still active and interesting,” Lee said, admitting that she once dated a man 30 years younger. “Most the guys my age are either dead or on their way.”

Gosse, author of “The Cougar Imperative,” said that’s exactly why the cougar-cub relationship is such an obvious solution to the usual dating rut older women find themselves in when they stick to tradition.


Another benefit of cougar relationships, experts say, is that there’s less drama.

“The baggage is so minimal compared to what the young woman can bring to a relationship,” said Steinberg, who is working on a new book titled “The Cougar Chronicles” which will be a collection of cougars from Hollywood starlets to royalty and beyond.

“She’s not going to bring you home for an examination by her parents. Most of the time they don’t exist,” Steinberg said. “And you don’t have to worry about her wanting kids because she’s already been there, done that.”

But for local cougars, and even former cougars like Steinberg — who said she’s happily “occupied the cougar role in my life” — they’ve been disappointed by how cougars are perceived.


“It’s evolved into any horny 40-year-old woman who wants to be with a college kid, and that’s just tacky,” the 68-year-old said.

Lee agrees and emphasizes that cougars shouldn’t be seen as “the predatory female.”

“We’re not on the prowl looking to attack these young, hapless men,” she said. “They find us.”

Monday: Desert Cougar Queen – Part 2

* ***
Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She offers counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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