The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self


Mid Life Crisis: What is it? Is it inevitable? Is it even a real phenomenon? Or is it an invention of the media — that is, corporate advertising trying to sell us things we don’t need? (Not only do we not need these cosmetic and quasi-medical accoutrements, they are downright insulting and sometimes even dangerous.)

I have been inundated lately by articles, poems, and stories about the so-called “Midlife Crisis.” Clearly it is a subject very much on the minds of many, many women. The writings that I have been sharing with you cover the gamut of opinions, ideas, and suggestions about coping with a Midlife Crisis, ours or someone else’s. I offer them up to you to for your interest and edification.

As always, I invite you to send me your stories — experiences, advice, and inspiration to share with our community of Midlife Queens. And special thanks to all oof you who have shared their ideas, research, and creativity with us.


Midlife Crisis or Midlife Consciousness? You choose!

xxQueen Mama Donna


By Suzanne Gravelle 

Two years before my youngest child was ready to move from home, I started to make plans for myself and they were exciting plans. I was a single parent and had been for most of my 30 years of raising children and I was looking forward to being young and empty nesting. Oh the wonderful, fun, sexy life I was going to have!

I didn’t think I would be single when I got to this age, I had the pretty picture of a loving relationship where the two of us would celebrate our freedom after surviving raising children. It was not that way and I was shocked! Time had slipped away.


Now I was 50 years old, still single and coming through the most devastating, painful life transition imaginable…to me. After all, it makes no difference what has caused our pain, when it is happening to us it is hard to imagine anyone has hurt as much as we have.

The impression friends and family had of me, was the woman who could fix anything, take care of everyone and did it well and I was that woman. There was no time not to be that woman, plus who else would do it?

Three years earlier when my world started to fall apart – I fell with it. I could not get myself back up off the floor and it was a shock to everyone around me including myself. Being a woman who liked to get all the obligatory things done so I can do what I wanted, suddenly being unable to do this was embarrassing to me. The feelings of unexplainable fear, self-doubt and insecurities quickly turned into self loathing because of all the other feelings. It was a vicious cycle that forced me to make drastic changes in my life if I would ever have control of my senses again. I wanted to do this quickly so I could get back to the fun sexy life I was looking forward to.


The only way I could see my way clear to do this without involving my family and friends in my drama, was for me to leave. So I sold my home, put my important material stuff into storage, packed a few bags and drove away… alone. Seventeen months and 60,000km later and I have finally started to see and feel the results of my healing.

I am still on this self-imposed exiled journey. During this time, I have spoken with so many people who wish they could pack it all in, run away and start over. But I warn them to, “be careful what you wish for” because as we know, the Universe has a way of bringing to fruition what we dwell on, good or bad so make sure your thoughts and wishes are positive.


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to




  • Nikki Leigh

    Hi Queen Donna – Thank you for sharing the pot by Suzanne Gravelle. We appreciate it very much. I read your intro and it sparked an idea for a post on my relationship coaching blog – about mid life crisis :)

    Nikki Leigh

    • Donna Henes

      I am glad to post stories by Queens all over the world. Our stories enrich each other.

  • Suzanne Gravelle

    Thank you Donna for posting my story, I love what you are doing for so many people! I look forward to following along with you.

    • Donna Henes

      Thanks Queen Suzanne. Your story is is interesting and inspiring. Blessings on your travels toward a new home and new chanpter of you life.

  • LIOR

    HELLO !
    There is no doubt that changes in life it is difficult to do especially in old age so need to know to overcome the changes and change is difficult at first until you can overcome it Thanks for a wonderful article.

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