The Queen of My Self

The Queen of My Self

A Birthday Declaration of Independence – Part 1

I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all. This piece was sent in by a sister Queen in response to my request. Please send in your stories, too.


xxQueen Mama Donna


A Birthday Declaration of Independence

By Lilamayi, CA

It is the dawning of the age of Aquarius, the end of the Mayan calendar is around the corner, and an overall sense of transformation, letting go of old paradigms and being born into a new age. It dawns on me that my birthday is coming up, once again on the Fall Equinox, and I propose to renew what it means to celebrate a birthday.


What is all this change? The light warriors are shattering and burning up all of the limiting beliefs that have been passed down through generations…those beliefs that hold us back from freedom to be who we really are. They are working to let go of a life built on fear and ignorance. They are trying to break down the rigid lines and boxes that have trapped us into a matrix of false beliefs. We have been hypnotized to see ourselves as fitting into categories based on race, gender, and age. We are breaking down race barriers, we are breaking down gender barriers, but last of these to go seems to be the age barriers. So people reaching 30 and over are afraid that they are getting old. Many people don’t even want to celebrate their birthdays because they are hiding from the fearful beliefs associated with the increasing number.


At what point in the history of civilization did people start to associate their identity with a number? Is it even appropriate that people continue to associate themselves with a number when there are so many fearful myths associated with these numbers, and this is the time to break down the fear myths. We should be proud of our experience, our accomplishments, our wisdom, our laugh lines, our battle scars… We should honor our motherhood, or grandmotherhood, the imperfections that make us human, and the changes in our body which are transformational rites of passage. Why attempt to honor a number, which is only associated with limiting beliefs? It might be helpful to keep track of these numbers while children are growing up so we can keep track of their physical growth and education, but why do we continue to do this after they are grown? There was no such need in tribal culture.


I am speaking mainly about women when I say this has been a suppressive tool. Women were not allowed to vote until 1920, and it was considered wrong for them to work outside of the home even into the 50s and 60s. The average age of marriage for girls during the 50s was 20 years old, so they were starting to become viewed as spinsters when they were 25. Doctors recommended against women having babies after the age of 30. Popular magazines still give instructions about what women should stop wearing after they are 40 years old, and whether it’s acceptable for them to have long hair. Women are still working to claim ownership of their bodies and their personal power.

Tomorrow: A Birthday Declaration of Independence – Part 2




Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.



The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to






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