The Queen of My Self


I see “Begin Again” as an ideal theme for this season. We have the supreme opportunity now in the autumn of our midlife to begin again. How shall we reinvent our Selves? What new programs, projects and passions are on the horizon for us? Please send me your stories of change, transition, and transformation. Our shared experiences serve to inspire and empower us all.


xxQueen Mama Donna


Letting Go – Part 2

By Rev. Sandra Lee Schubert, NY

Choice: What kind of life do you want to live? Every minute we make small choices. Reconsider how you interact with people on a daily basis. Instead of ignoring the person who hands you the newspaper each day say hello and thank you. When faced with the choice between potato chips or salad consider what has the most value for your life. Again O’Dea says this, “We can increase our inner strength to make critical choices for ourselves and for the planet by refraining from cluttering up our lives with too much superficial choice.” When there is a strong value system in place it becomes easier to let go of things that don’t support your higher ideals.

In his autobiography, Benjamin Franklin outlined a very specific formula for creating a value system of life changes that anyone can emulate. He listed 13 virtues from #1. Temperance – eat not to dullness; drink not to elevation to #13. Humility – Imitate Jesus and Socrates. Franklin creates a chart for each day of the week listing by initials the 13 virtues he has outlined for himself. Each day he would do a careful examination of his life and puts a mark next to the virtue when he has found fault with himself. He then committed one week to a mastery of each virtue, repeating the process at least fours time in a year. He would add or subtract to this list as needed. This formula allowed Benjamin Franklin to work consistently on his life not in an obsessive way but in a constructed manner. From this careful examination of his life Franklin was able to establish a value system for how he lived his life. Thus allowing him to make choices and to let go of behaviors and things that did not support this system. The result for Franklin and for us is a life full of wonderful inventions and creativity.

What comes after letting go? Loss affords us the opportunity for new choices. We can mourn the past and celebrate the future. Letting go is the gateway to new experiences. Medical breakthroughs, new thoughts, ideals and art could not be made if we all hung on to our past behavior and beliefs. Dare to live your life just a tenth larger then you are living it now. Be brave enough to let go of a bad habit, an old resentment or your old self. We can honor that which brought us to this point and still create a new future. Celebrate possibility and let go into a new world.


Donna Henes is the author of The Queen of My Self: Stepping into Sovereignty in Midlife. She is the Midlife Midwife™ offering counseling and upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity. Consult the MIDLIFE MIDWIFE™


The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to


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