The Queen of My Self

Let The Resolutions Begin
By Midlife Crisis in Process  The thoughts and ramblings of a middle age woman who is beginning to realize life requires you to make tough choices that don’t always bring happiness.
Let me start by saying right off the bat that I love resolutions. I love the idea of starting over. A change in direction. A fresh start. The chance to redeem yourself or save yourself, generally, from yourself in most cases. It is no different for me.

I enjoy taking a moment to think about how I want life to be in the future — and am starting to understand that I can control that future — I don’t have to simply accept what live offers. I have a right and a responsibility to make this life the best it can be. Better yet, I’m reaching the stage in life when I can address my wants from life and not just my needs. I am fortunate in this way. I have lived long enough to have this opportunity. I am doubly blessed to be in a financial position where I can afford to have some of the things I want as well. I must not squander this time.

All that being said, I find myself restless with the way I live. Tired of the monotony. Work, school, sleep, repeat. Don’t think I’m quitting work or school. And heaven knows I can not afford to lose more sleep than I already do. But there has to be more to life than what I’ve chosen to take from it. Please note the phrasing of that sentence. I’m not blaming the world, I accept responsibility.

So there are going to be some changes in 2011 for me. I hope to detail them here in my blog more as a means to hold myself accountable rather than to profess any ability to implement change in my readers’ lives. Goodness! Let’s see if I implement change in my own life first! 

My first resolution is to declutter my life. I’ll start first with the obvious — the overwhelming accumulation of things that I am holding on to yet not using. Things I’m afraid to let go of because I might need it some day. Things I keep because they remind me of when I was young and full of promise and possibility. That part is difficult. The acknowledgement that I didn’t grow to be the person I thought I would be. That at times I took the easy road, the path of least resistance.  It’s time to face those facts and forgive myself for them. I can’t undo the past. But I can learn from it. I need to accept that my past is a part of who I am now. But my future is in my control.

The first step: I will clean out closets and drawers. I will get rid of things I haven’t worn for a few years. And in the meantime, there are people those clothes could help. I have nice things that just aren’t my style or size anymore, but are professional in nature. I will donate them to an agency that gives interview clothes to women rather than send them over to Goodwill.

The second step is to stop buying. I don’t need new shoes. I don’t need any more clothes. Perhaps you’ve heard of the 80/20 rule? You wear 20% of your clothes 80% of the time. You eat the same 20% of foods 80% of the time. Variety may be the spice of life, but people tend to chose comfort over spice time and time again.

There are places I will need to spend money. I will have to get a new dress and possibly shoes for my daughter’s wedding this summer. And I am considering giving myself permission to spoil myself when items that I wouldn’t normally buy — like the monthly lunches I’ve been having with my best friend from high school; the luxury of using the parking garage at college; and perhaps giving myself a trip to a coffee place once in a while to enjoy a latte and maybe even a magazine. Some down time away from the computer and the books.

This is just the start. 

I’m excited for 2011. I think the best of life is just ahead.

The Queen welcomes questions concerning all issues of interest to women in their mature years. Send your inquiries to

Queen Mama Donna offers upbeat, practical and ceremonial guidance for individual women and groups who want to enjoy the fruits of an enriching, influential, purposeful, passionate, and powerful maturity.

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