Their Bad Mother

Their Bad Mother


The First Of Many Sundays

posted by Catherine Connors

Today, I thought about going to church. It’s the day for going to church. But I don’t belong to a church. I don’t know where I’d go. I was raised Catholic, so would I go to Mass (ensuring, of course, that I made the requisite stop at confession beforehand)? Or would I just head to the nearest place of worship – there’s a United church just around the corner, only steps away – and sit in a back pew and wrestle with feeling like an interloper? Do I go where I know people, or where I don’t?

How would I even begin to decide, to choose?

This will be a task for this week: to figure out how and when to explore visiting places of worship. This will be daunting for me. Introspective reflection on matters spiritual, reading and thinking and praying and reading and thinking about praying and all that kind of personal thing, that does not frighten me. Approaching a community of faith, that frightens me. Not because people frighten me, but because it just seems so, I don’t know, frightening to approach such communities from a position of uncertainty. How does one enter such a community, approach the people within it, when one does not know how to be there – nor even whether one wants to be there? What does one say? Hi, I’m Catherine. I am spiritually confused and am just here to observe. Please excuse my ambivalence.

Also, I’ll need a babysitter.

This stuff is hard. I knew that it would be, but still.



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inannasstar

posted January 11, 2010 at 8:21 am


When I was first hungary for spirituality I went inside myself inside a church. I don’t “do church” (obviously), but it seems to me that finding out who you are first would be better than sitting and listening to someone tell you who you should be. Best wishes.



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Jo

posted January 11, 2010 at 11:57 am


I think that is the perfect thing to say. A good church embraces your feelings of ambivalence, we all have questions and churches are meant to be there for us. Churches have their own answers, of course, and some may resonate with you, some not so much. I’ve been searching all my life and I probably will never stop for answers to these questions. Sometimes I feel so sure, other times, not at all. My father is a minister and I was taken to church every Sunday until I left for university. But I was always encouraged to ask questions and to not be sure. Going to a new church for the first time can be uncomfortable, but sometimes I find I learn the most about myself from uneasiness. Put yourself in that awkward situation and just soak it up. If anything, it will make for a great blog entry! I try to remember at church that these people are just like me – some have no trouble embracing a faith and living it out, some are lying to themselves, some are putting on a front, some take some lessons and throw the rest out… it is yours to do with what you will. There are so many different types of churches because there are all different types of people. Of course I don’t know you personally, but you seem like you would do best in an intellectual environment where questions are encouraged. It sometimes takes a very long time to find the right fit. I hope you find it.
Bonus: most churches have good nurseries and if anything, think of that time as 1 hour of free babysitting to sit back and relax. :)



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abbey

posted January 11, 2010 at 12:22 pm


I struggle with this too. (Catholic also). We are tentatively starting back and the Catholic church I chose to try my Catholic roots. The local church has actually been pretty good. They had a big welcome brunch for all new people from the last six months. They focused on building community and community service which is the stewardship “works based” aspect of Catholicism that I do like with out lots of the politics, policy and general gunk that conflicts me and my non-religious spouse. We’re trying it in part as I after reflection I do want baptism for my children (one already baptized, new baby to be in the spring) and taking baby steps from there. I’ll be interested to see where your story and ours goes.



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thepsychobabble

posted January 11, 2010 at 3:59 pm


If you are going to be taking the wee ones, I suggest calling around and asking questions about nursery/creche/children’s programs/mother’s rooms….in other words, “Is there an option other than, ya know, leaving, when my kid decides that this grownup talking grownup stuff to other grownups is way less interesting than seeing how many pews he can crawl under before mommy pulls him out and leaves red-faced?”



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bridget

posted January 11, 2010 at 10:37 pm


God is gonna meet you where ever you go. He’s after your heart. Bless the Journey!



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mapsgirl

posted January 12, 2010 at 11:26 am


I do go to church and I enjoy going to church. I’m not going to press upon you why I have chosen what I have chosen becuase I feel that your spirituality needs to be your journey.
I could almost bet that the United Church has a Sunday School and nursery on Sunday mornings for the kids. Ours does, and my kids love going as they get to sing songs and do a craft, of course while learning about God and Jesus.
Try not to stress about the choices that need to be made. Finding a church is like picking out new shoes: you’re not going to know what is right for you until you try them on. We didn’t pick the first church we went to. It had to feel right to us.
Enjoy your journey!



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Major Bedhead

posted January 14, 2010 at 11:04 am


Have you looked into the Quakers (Society of Friends)? I don’t know what they’re like in Canada, but the Quaker church I was raised in held a silent Meeting every Sunday, followed by a pot luck lunch. It was all about introspection. There was also a Sunday School – some of my favourite memories are from times spent at that church. If I were inclined to go to church again, that’s where I’d go.



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Kate Flynn

posted January 20, 2010 at 6:55 pm


I went back to Catholic church when I had kids. Then I found an amazing Montessori preschool curriculum called Catechesis of the Shepherd. It can be Episcopalian or Catholic and we ended up at Epis. program. My kids made friends, teachers and community amazing, women and gays treated beautifully and now I are one – an Episc. that is. Love it. Prefer the Catholic music but trying to get over it. Good luck. It was a struggle for me too but I thought why raise them in something just cuz I was if it’s disfunctional? But it felt like speaking my mother tongue – hard to try and give them something else I didn’t know as well. Now they’re bringing me along.



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