Catherine Connors is a mother, writer and recovering academic who traded the lecture hall for the playroom and discovered that university students and preschoolers have much the same attention span. She still dips her toes into academic waters by writing the occasional scholarly article about the place of motherhood in Western philosophy, but mostly now she changes diapers and wipes noses and indulges in long reflections on whether Yo Gabba Gabba is a harbinger of the decline of western civilization. Oh, and she blogs: in addition to Bad Mother blogging at BeliefNet, she is, among other things, the author of HerBadMother.com, Managing Editor of MamaPop, moderator of Her Bad Mother’s Basement, co-founder and co-editor of WeCovet, Contributing Editor at BlogHer, and (deep breath) founder of and contributor to Canada Moms Blog. And in her spare time… oh, wait. She doesn’t have spare time. But she’s okay with that.
Today, I thought about going to church. It’s the day for going to church. But I don’t belong to a church. I don’t know where I’d go. I was raised Catholic, so would I go to Mass (ensuring, of course, that I made the requisite stop at confession beforehand)? Or would I just head to the nearest place of worship – there’s a United church just around the corner, only steps away – and sit in a back pew and wrestle with feeling like an interloper? Do I go where I know people, or where I don’t?
How would I even begin to decide, to choose?
This will be a task for this week: to figure out how and when to explore visiting places of worship. This will be daunting for me. Introspective reflection on matters spiritual, reading and thinking and praying and reading and thinking about praying and all that kind of personal thing, that does not frighten me. Approaching a community of faith, that frightens me. Not because people frighten me, but because it just seems so, I don’t know, frightening to approach such communities from a position of uncertainty. How does one enter such a community, approach the people within it, when one does not know how to be there – nor even whether one wants to be there? What does one say? Hi, I’m Catherine. I am spiritually confused and am just here to observe. Please excuse my ambivalence.
Also, I’ll need a babysitter.
This stuff is hard. I knew that it would be, but still.