Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Stuff Christian Culture Likes


#195 Theological masturbation

posted by Stephanie Drury

mas.jpg

Anyone who has ever been moved by the pithy Chesterton quote or pastoral challenge to Do Something wants to issue quotes and challenges themselves. People who fancy themselves to be philosophical or spiritually minded have been getting off on spiritually-flavored musings for millenia. Now, with the advent of the internet, we’re forging new frontiers for Christian culture’s favorite pastime.

Blogs do the job (see this one right here) but Twitter is fast becoming the preferred venue for Jesus-flavored self-promotion. It’s like the Aeropagus (ancient philosophers’ mecca in Athens) of cyberspace. Twitter is where the whackmasters convene to impress themselves with their gospel-y one-liners and congratulate each other on their…achievements. “Good word, brother. Amen.” “Great insight!” After tweeting he/she enters his/her refractory period and and F5′s the page to see how many time they’ve been retweeted. Oh yeah, right there. Another RT! Say my name, bitch! Hang on, something else is coming to me, something pithy and ecclesiastical. I gotta tweet this.

twitter_church_0501.jpgLegions of Augustine and Spurgeon devotees are theolojizzing all over the internet and Christian culture is cheering them on. Theolojizzing is a fun distraction and easier than the real thing. The real thing happens in the context of relationship and all its pesky inconveniences. Quicker to rub one out and tweet something that sounds profound and call it bearing witness to the gospel. The gospel Jesus taught requires sacrifice and community and bearing each other’s burdens, but why go that route when you could hang out at the virtual philosopher’s cafe? There’s got to be a reason Luke only spoke of the Aeropagus (aka Mars Hill) disparagingly. Ooh, I should tweet that!



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Timothy

posted October 8, 2010 at 8:06 pm


Theolojizzing may be one of my new favourite words. However, it makes it sound as if this is purely a male pastime!
Apologies to the Lonely Island
…Whisper in my ear that you want some more
And I theolojizz in my pants…



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Sean

posted October 8, 2010 at 8:34 pm


Timothy,
But, but, but….I was going to reference “Jizz In My Pants”! You stole my cumder!
Oh well, I have to admit, Good Word, Bra! AMEN!



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Kevin

posted October 8, 2010 at 8:55 pm


it took no time for this thread to get dirty.



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Dharmashaiva

posted October 8, 2010 at 10:26 pm


She started it.



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Estaban

posted October 9, 2010 at 1:32 am


Best. Post. Thus far.
So true, unfortunately…
captcha – was eatiatio



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Kara

posted October 9, 2010 at 10:17 am


Once had a pastor who did this from the pulpit. Rarely much in the sermon about the bible or our lives or how the two connect – just his own jolly joy time with all of us watching. He was usually very pleased with himself. We were usually frustrated, confused and a little disturbed.



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cd

posted October 9, 2010 at 2:24 pm


ROFL. Right on target, so to speak.



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chauser

posted October 9, 2010 at 3:21 pm


I’m so freaking guilty of this.



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Bill

posted October 9, 2010 at 6:44 pm


“Don’t knock masturbation. It’s sex with someone I love.”



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Jorge

posted October 9, 2010 at 7:54 pm


So what’s the difference between posting a tweet to see how many retweets you get from posting a blog post to see how many comments and pingbacks you get?
Your point is valid. However, tweeting is simply the inevitable next step to blogging.
Pot meet kettle.



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Sean

posted October 9, 2010 at 9:20 pm


Jorge,
Wait, so is Steph’s point actually valid, or are you saying this blog post is only here to generate response? Which is it? Because if the original point is valid, yours is not.
(The original point, BTW, is not pitting blogs against Twitter.)



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Simone

posted October 9, 2010 at 9:46 pm


No matter what point someone is trying make, closing with “Pot meet kettle” is about the dickiest, smug thing one can say.



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Kevin

posted October 9, 2010 at 10:57 pm


Point goes to Simone for using the word “dickiest.”
Also, Jorge, what is your point? It seems like you just want to be a dick.



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Monica

posted October 10, 2010 at 5:35 pm


Oh gosh. First it starts with the “Jizz in my pants”(I love lonely island too!)and ends with the word I shall use from now on..”dickiest”.
As a person who uses twitter, I can say that Jorge doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about. When I use twitter, I use it as a means to draw attention to the main attraction(my blog). I can’t sit there and put the words in my blog on there. They are too long and require too much blood and sweat compared to some trifle that caps off at 140 characters.
Also, intelligence is not a requirement for twittering(as Britney Spears, Kaye West, and Ashton have shown us). Successful blogging requires that(intelligence). It also requires a bit of exhibitionism because you’re putting yourself out there which people can either relate to(as many of the readers here do) or scorn(as you do).
I really don’t know what your issue is. Actually, I do. You are like this guy I knew in high school who had a thing for me, but instead of just being forthright and telling me, he literally made my life hell by calling me various racial names and bullying me physically when his friends were around but playing the lamb when no one was there.
Or if that isn’t enough of an example, let me give you something from the Christian Culture Handbook: 1) Go to the webiste/blog/chat of a group/person that you dislike and purposefully sow discord under the guise of being a witness.
And as a nonbeliever I find that disgusting that you would rather nit pick on a fellow believer(Steph) than try to find somewhere that you agree with her at. Instead you rather defend heinous actions/items/merida that takes AWAY from the whole thing that is SUPPOSED to be important(in ya’lls faith).
And you sit there acting as if you know her, or that you know the people who fanned her site. Trust me, you DO NOT know us(or her). And while you think that I’m just defending her because I’m some girl who doesn’t know any better…
You’d be wrong there too. I’m a woman who has enough scars from so-called Christians to last her a lifetime. And just when I found a place where I can talk with other folks who have gone through the whole doing things instead of befriending the person who sits near them…
You show up in all your myopic, possibly xenophobic glory. In the past you accused her of being bitter among other things. Instead of trying to see things the way that she does, you took the role of an abusive sibling(or parent) and tried to shame her and her readers.
You sir, are no better than the words you type on this blog. And if there is a satan, hell, and demons…
I am sure that you would be working under him in the office of AntiChrist. Because the way you carry yourself is so unlike the Christ that you supposedly speak of. Hense why I believe you sir might harbor that within you.
To the readers, I do applogize, but I am just tired of this guy.



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Blake

posted October 10, 2010 at 6:18 pm


I don’t get the hostility toward Jorge’s pot and kettle line. Obviously, you guys disagree, but calling someone a dick for being smug in response to a blogger whose MO is snidely pointing out others’ mistakes seems kind of fucked up. I mean, let’s be honest: I love the blog, but the general idea and tone of it is a little dicky to begin with. I guess what I’m trying to say is that there’s really no difference between Jorge’s comment and what Stephy does, except that we identify more with Stephy’s opinions.
Shit. Am I a dick now?



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Kevin

posted October 10, 2010 at 6:55 pm


The difference between Jorge’s nonsense and the content of SCCL is that Jorge only comes by to spew bile on this blog (and its author/readers), whereas this blog is interested in pointing out that much of what is contained in the label “christian” is opposed to what is contained in the message of Christ. Using humor to make that point is neither dicky, nor the same as pompously signing off with “pot meet kettle.” SCCL has a point and a voice, Jorge has a belly full of pointless moaning.



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stephanie drury

posted October 10, 2010 at 7:27 pm


I appreciate all you guys chiming in whether you agree with me or not. It would be boring if everyone agreed. And I would like to officially own my tendency to be snarky and smug. Everything I blog about is something I’ve done and/or do, that’s how I know it so well. Smug, meet dickish!



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Jorge

posted October 10, 2010 at 10:12 pm


The point being is that any of us can make fun of anything…
Like this blog being a knock off of a knock off of an original.
So maybe let’s not any of us take ourselves too seriously.



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Gregory

posted October 11, 2010 at 1:52 am


“The gospel Jesus taught requires sacrifice and community and bearing each other’s burdens.” This is one of the best and most succinct summaries I’ve read about what it means to be a Christian. Simply beautiful. Well done, Stephanie.



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Stephen Charles

posted October 11, 2010 at 9:33 am


Often the blog meets its critics by saying it’s just having a laugh at ourselves. That’s fine as far as it goes, but I wonder if what is getting missed is that mockery is a classic form of serious criticism, a point I’d hate to be missed by such a witty and fun form of mockery. I think critics like Jorge get that something serious is actually being said, and he wants to rebut.
Re the nature of this post, funny but ew. Why do I feel like I just sat through a funny version of a Mark Driscoll sermon? But good thing a blog isn’t a pulpit.
captcha: “master of my domain.” Kidding, that would be pretty funny though. Sometimes I kill me.



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Sarah J

posted October 11, 2010 at 11:04 am


I disagree with a couple of assumptions in the original post — 1) that people who are tweeting these “gospel-y one-liners” are doing so to impress themselves, and 2) that the people who respond are congratulating the original tweeters on their “achievements.” I imagine that most of the tweeters are reading some author they’ve never read before, having some insight they’ve never had before, seeing some truth they’ve never seen before… I think we would be wise to remember that each of us “gets it” for the very first time at some point, and at that point it is new to us; each of us, if we are at all wise or curious, keeps “getting it,” even realizing, as we mature, that whatever insight we have just achieved is in fact obvious to most people. Instead of assuming that people are self-congratulatory, it is possible (although admittedly not as much fun) to assume that they are young (in years or in faith) and are open enough to receive the uncorrupted truth of some “truisms” that may have become stale to our own ears.



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Matt

posted October 11, 2010 at 11:43 am


I don’t suppose Jorge is jealous that this blog is #38 of the top 100 Christian blogs.
http://churchrelevance.com/resources/top-church-blogs/



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Jess P

posted October 11, 2010 at 12:04 pm


Theolojizzing is just the climax of a beautiful and natural process. There is nothing to be ashamed of. Just don’t get it all over the place. ;)



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Jorge

posted October 11, 2010 at 12:37 pm


#38 of Top 100 Christian Blogs.
Would that be like #38 on CCM’s top 100 Christian Pop Songs?



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Jorge

posted October 11, 2010 at 12:39 pm


#38 in the Top 100 Christian Blogs.
Would that be like being #38 in CCM’s Top 100 Christian Pop Songs?



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Matt

posted October 11, 2010 at 1:08 pm


No, it would be more like being #38 in the top 100 forums which she satirizes and they’re so oblivious that she made their best-seller list.
There’s a dire shortage of beautiful, witty, prophetic bloggers out there. I thank God for Stephanie and her blog.



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Chrissy

posted October 11, 2010 at 2:06 pm


Blake, It’s because Jorge is like Jesus. You know, the whole “If you love me they will hate you” thing. We don’t want Jesus disrupting our blog time any more than Jorge wants reason to disrupt his Stephy hate time. Only in this case, the Jesus figure is mean to people. And you know how we feel about mean Jesus ;) He’s a faker and a prick. Let’s examine further:
‘Jorge’ begins with a ‘J’ and has 5 letters. (Fake Jesus? I dunno. This evidence is not strong enough.)
Jorge is a Mexican name. Mexicans are typically raised Catholic. This Jorge, however, defends christian culture to no end, and does so with no hint of broken English. Americans don’t name their kid Jorge, and Mexicans don’t raise their kids in American christian culture. This is not perfect evidence that Jorge is a faker, but it is reasonable enough to question him because he doesn’t share his experiences. If we were to ask “Jorge, are you a Mexican man, raised in an English speaking home, who may or may not have been raised Catholic, but most certainly converted to christianity at a young age, who has come to hate Stephy because you love American christian culture more than you love people?” What answer would we get? If it’s “Yes” then Jorge is a strange anomaly. If it’s “No” we’d say “Who are you then?” The problem with getting this answer is that in the past, Jorge has said that his personal experiences are not valid to his points so he did not care to share any inkling about who he is as a person or what his experiences have been in CC. As you know, those of us who have nothing to hide typically share our personal experiences with one another. They are the basis for our comments here. Personal experience is always valid, but Jorge will not offer himself, only his opinions, which are often patronizing, and at times, mean. So, as of now, he’s a faker. That’s why he was dismissed.
On the plus side, if it weren’t for the fakers this blog wouldn’t exist and I wouldn’t have made so many real friends who are reasonable and nice, like Jesus.
On that note, let’s have a toast: To all the pricks masquerading as soldiers for Jesus! If it weren’t for you I may have never discovered exactly who I don’t want to become. Cheers! (don’t worry it’s sparkling apple cider.)



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Jorge

posted October 11, 2010 at 2:37 pm


Actually, it’s all in good fun. Poking fun at a blog whose whole basis for existence is poking fun is like shooting fish in a barrel.
And to it goes to show that while we may make fun of certain groups of people for taking themselves too seriously; that, in fact, when the favor is returned it only reveals we may all be taking ourselves a little too seriously…whether we realize it or not.
Cheers!



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Matt

posted October 11, 2010 at 3:12 pm


Yeah, it’s all in good fun when you pipe in saying shit like “pot meet kettle” and just generally being a dick.



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Jona

posted October 11, 2010 at 3:30 pm


Pretending to be oblivious to the actual message of this blog and choosing instead to focus on the way the blog is written seems to be popular with folks like Jorge.



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Jorge

posted October 11, 2010 at 4:09 pm


Matt, that was a very thoughtful, nuanced, and witty response.
Jona, making fun of Christian Blogs that make fun of Christian culture is good fun.



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Billy

posted October 11, 2010 at 5:02 pm


Ohhh, good one Steph. Never heard it put that way though. I actually recently canceled my twitter account because of this. My pastor, or someone on the lead staff would tweet something and 38 of my friends felt the need to retweet (I guess they didn’t realize that all of their friends already heard it, but their friends would retweet it anyways). I got sick of it and cancelled my twitter.
May be overkill, but “retweeting everyone you wish you could hang out with on the Church Staff, but can’t so hopefully they will recognize you” would be a good blog entry. ;)



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Gaypet

posted October 11, 2010 at 5:20 pm


Chrissy, I am right there with you but for the “broken English” comment. Jorge does not seem to be a native speaker.



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Love Andles

posted October 11, 2010 at 7:39 pm


Although formerly a fan of a good Theospank sesh, I found that being a man of the cloth/tube sock required a certain tolerance for chaffing of the ol’ Theowood. Having developed enough Theoscabs on my Theojunk to camoflage it into a stick of Theojerky, I repented of my ways and washed away my Theojizz from the monitor. Hence forth I abstained from Theoporn sites, and only arroused my Theofantasies around life long partners in a commited, intelligent Theohump blow out.



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Jingles

posted October 15, 2010 at 5:59 pm


I think Love Andles needs an award for his comment.



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