Stuff Christian Culture Likes

Stuff Christian Culture Likes


#150 The unspoken prayer request

posted by Stephanie Drury

groupprayer.jpg

Before commencing group prayer each person is usually queried for their personal prayer requests. If the request is highly personal people sometimes say “I have an unspoken.” (You don’t say I have an unspoken prayer request, just I have an unspoken. The final two words are also unspoken.)

Announcing an unspoken prayer request leaves the rest of the group no choice but to speculate as to what could possibly be the matter. If a girl has requested “an unspoken” you may assume she needs prayer for her Woman Bits. If a guy has requested “an unspoken” you may assume he needs prayer for his chronic masturbating.

The unspoken prayer request is meant to offset gossip via prayer request (as previously discussed here) but manages to spark gossip anyway. Unspoken-prayer-request gossip is even juicier than normal prayer-request gossip thanks to its speculative nature. If you have been entrenched in Christian culture for awhile then you know what will be assumed when you announce your unspoken need and often you will just let it go un-prayed for rather than invite any dirty presumptions.



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Jamie

posted May 1, 2010 at 6:03 pm


My old church had a special group (mostly women) called “The Prayer Chain.” Might as well have been called the gossip chain. I now find this hilarious. You might as well have admitted flat out that your vagina has swollen to twice its size with VD than enter an “unspoken.”



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susan

posted May 1, 2010 at 10:33 pm


hahahahhahalololol Goodness sake I love your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!



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Jon

posted May 2, 2010 at 10:29 pm


I think the really great thing about an unspoken is when the person leading the prayer attempts to pray for the unspoken. They can’t keep it simple. They get to speculating about what it may be in the prayer throwing in all the various possibilities. I’ve heard at least a paragraph of speech given to the “unspoken”.



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Steve D

posted May 3, 2010 at 9:27 pm


The corollary to the Unspoken Request is the Request for an Unnamed Friend. Requests For Unnamed Friends are sure to get the gossip machine going that the “unnamed friend” is really the person who spoke the request. To really get the gossip going, do a duo, unnamed request for an unnamed friend.



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Trev

posted May 4, 2010 at 1:09 am


I have an unspoken comment I would like to type on the matter….



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Meghan

posted May 4, 2010 at 9:41 am


Dear Lord, we lift up Trev’s unspoken comment. You know the sordid trials he’s going through even just reading a blog like this one, and You know the kinds of struggles he faces every day as a man… trying to serve You on the web. We can only speculate what his comment might have been, Lord. But though he may face temptations to post comments of every kind, we know, Lord, that You know his heart; we know that You know his true comment, even if we do not. And we believe that You will bring light into the dark places and take away his shame, take away his suffering, take away our curiosity, Lord, because You are the Healer. We believe all this and ask for Your speedy revelation of truth, in Your name.
I’m peekin’ through one eye to see if I hit any buttons there, Trev. Did it work? Did it?



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stephanie drury

posted May 4, 2010 at 11:35 am


HAHAHA Meghan!



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Aaran

posted May 5, 2010 at 1:34 am


Don’t you mean “we just lift up”



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Meghan

posted May 5, 2010 at 9:13 am


Ha, Aaran, you’re right. I do. Forgot my diminutive!



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Em

posted May 6, 2010 at 1:33 pm


@Trev and Meghan: I read this in a library and laughed loud enough to draw attention. Thank you. That was delightful.



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Trey

posted May 7, 2010 at 2:53 pm


I’ve just discovered this blog..and I’m not sure who is funnier..the blogger or the posters. You guys should work on a sitcom. A Seventh Heaven parody!



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Skitzo Leezra

posted May 10, 2010 at 12:01 am


Meghan,
you are one awesome praying machine! I sound like a 5 year old, as in, “it’s me, Skitzo? on Elm Street?”
Cannot tell you how many times someone has pried asked about my “unnamed friend going through marital difficulties”!
captcha: rubel seen



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Vivian

posted May 14, 2010 at 2:28 pm


Oh my. These comments gave me a true LOL moment. I can’t thank you enough.



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