When my kids were young, I decided to define and intend the kind of relationship I wanted with them, because I was slightly terrified to leave it to chance. I knew I wanted to be emotionally close, spend as much time with each child as possible, and teach the kids to follow their own path by listening to their own Internal Guidance System. I also very much wanted a friendship with them once they were grown, envisioning myself being very involved in their lives.
My studies of the Law of Attraction and the Universe have shown me that having an intention propels the energy forward that creates what we live. We are always moving forward, but intent is the powerful energy that serves as our “rocket engine” toward what we want. I clearly intended what I wanted and also how I was going to get there. Life is a process, and I was going to have to hold this intention in my consciousness as I moved forward and lived daily life with my children.
How was I going to get there? I had to handle each situation holding that “end result” vision. My intent was not something I thought about every day. Once I had clearly set it into motion, it was held in my consciousness. It was always there and came into my conscious mind when particular situations came up with the kids. At those times I was reminded of my intent and could then determine whether or not I was moving in the direction I wanted, based upon how I was feeling.
Just about every situation that comes up in a parent’s daily life offers a parenting choice: to be fully present to the child and offer a deliberate response or to respond reactively. As I was learning to be more aware and deliberate, I had many reactive responses, which are those knee jerk reactions, in which words and body language are often regretted once they have been acted out or spoken. These responses left me feeling like I hadn’t been helpful to my child, hadn’t made them feel my love and support. Also, these responses hadn’t taught my children anything. My post-reactive feelings did not feel good, and this was my indicator that I wasn’t following through with my intent of fostering a close relationship. I was also not getting what I wanted, which was cooperation from the kids and a desired behavior from them. Lesson learned: Children react to how you react to them.
I soon figured out that when a situation came up and I was deliberately present for my child, when I took the time to really listen and support them, and chose what I said and how I offered support, I felt good about my parenting. I was confident that I was moving in the direction of my goals and intent. In those instances I learned: clarity attracts clarity. And when I approached a situation being clear about the level of cooperation I wanted from my kids, that is what I usually got back from them.
To sum it up: I began with a clear and loving intent toward my children, and they always felt whatever energy I sent their way. I held a vision of cooperation and an intention for whatever resolution was needed. I deliberately chose my responses and was conscious of staying on track to maintain a pattern of good communication and issue resolution that would support my intent in the moment and in the future.
What kind of relationship do you desire with your children? Do you want to be emotionally close with them? Do you want them to feel comfortable making their own choices while learning from your example and feeling your support?
Why not take some time to write down what your intentions are as a parent: How do you want to relate to your children? What do you want them to learn from your interactions with them? Much of the power in our parenting lies in the intentions we hold in our everyday interactions and choices in how we respond.
Please comment below, I would love your input.
© 2014. Sharon Ballantine. All Rights Reserved.