Sharing Stress with Your Main Squeeze by Janice Taylor, Life & Wellness Coach, Cert. Hypnotist, NLP Practitioner, Author, Seminar Leader and 50-Pound Big-Time-Loser! (write Janice for a Free Consult!)
You are stressed to your last nerve. Things are piling up at the job. Things at home are out of control. And the weather is dark, grey and rainy.
You REALLY need to talk, let it out (lest you devour a jumbo one pound candy bar and at 170 calories per ounce that’s 2720 calories; two days’ calorie allotment) and in walks your main squeeze.
How much stress is appropriate to share with your spouse, partner, significant other … your main squeeze? What’s the difference between sharing and dumping?
True, you need to vent and an important part of a relationship revolves around sharing your life, letting the other person know what’s going on, as well as asking for support; giving support. Leaning on each other … all important parts of a relationship.
Nevertheless, before you dump – ‘talk at’ the other person, here follows a few truly helpful and useful guidelines:
- Ask Permission: “Is this a good time to listen? I need to share the gruesome details of my crazy day.” If the answer is “NO!” Respect that No! Ask, “Please let me know when it is a good time.
- Timing: Before you launch into your bucket list of upset, frazzled nerves and complaints (all justified, of course), do check in with your main squeeze to see if he or she is equally stressed.
- Be Clear: Are you sharing, looking for feedback, or just need a place to be heard. If all you want is to be heard. Start the conversation off with “Please, do not respond. Just listen -intently! I need you to be with me. That’s all.”
- Time Yourself: Vent, talk, share … dump … whatever you want to call it for a maximum of one minute and then check in and see if the person is still with you. Really 30 seconds would be better. Don’t take advantage of the ‘sharee.’
- Responsibility: Ultimately, it is your stress. Support is GREAT! But no one can singularly ‘fix it.
Special Note: For further insight into the machinations of relationships, I checked in with Peter Weinstein, LCSW, Psychotherapist, Relationship Expert.
Mr. Weinstein adds, “Being sensitive to your partner’s needs is one of the most important components of a successful relationship. Just as YOU want respect and appreciation, so does your partner/spouse. Putting yourself in the ‘others’ shoes and considering his/her needs (without sacrificing your own need) is true empathy and the cornerstone of relational/marital bliss.
“Janice gives great advice on how to orchestrate getting help and attention from your ‘main squeeze’ in a particularly stressful situation. Nicely done.”
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