One day a girl in her early twenties who was interested in her mind came upon a man in a Zegna suit and a Brioni tie. Hoping he would turn into a frog (or anything besides a banker), she kissed him. POOF! There was a cloud of smoke and all of a sudden…he did not change into a frog. The man in the suit was still there. He asked her out on a second date. She surprised herself and said yes (the kiss was just that good). They went to a fair trade coffee shop and talked and talked and talked and have been sitting there talking ever since. The man has yet to turn into a frog.

But seriously…

I would like to offer my side of the hideous NY Times article about the support group for those of us dating investment bankers, because a big part of the story is missing.

My boyfriend of almost two years is an analyst at the Blackstone Group, which I hadn’t heard of before I started dating him. I never pictured myself with a finance guy – I was too earthy and spiritual for that. Talk of money puts me to sleep or makes me anxious. Since we started dating, my impressions of the finance industry have changed, and also have not changed, but I find myself worrying a lot about his happiness now and in the future.

Hence:

Help! I’m A Sentient Being and I’m Dating an Investment Banker!

So it’s 2009 and you’re dating an investment banker. What now? You must be feeling pretty worried about him/her. Don’t fret – you’re not alone! Below are some questions and concerns of mine that I’d like to share with you.

Will he live to celebrate our 2-year anniversary?

First year analysts are the garbage dumpsters of the finance industry. All the shit work gets thrown on their laps. Frequent all-nighters are not surprising, and are even expected. Forget about having weekends off (ever). Forget about having time for a social life, doing laundry, cooking meals, having sick days. It’s an emotionally and physically draining year (sometimes two). I worry about his health, in general.

He’s crazy – obviously.

Maybe. But I’m also hoping to make it as an artist in New York, and I’m willing to wait tables and live paycheck to paycheck in order to make that dream happen. That could seem a little crazy to some people. But finance is a vital part of the world, and even though I don’t fully understand it, it’s exciting enough that a ton of people go through the insanely difficult first few years in order to hopefully one day be successful and have a major impact. I have to support him in what he loves to do, because he does the same for me.

Impermanence hits bankers hard.

What if he loses his job? Will I be able to be emotionally supportive enough to help him through the depression that might follow?

I just don’t get it.

What he loves about the work is the intellectual challenge. He gets to work with some brilliant people and to problem solve in extremely creative ways that exercise his analytical thought. (He’s a dork). He’s excited by the potential to have a huge impact on the world. I, however, have no knowledge of finance or economics. Can I ever totally understand him if I don’t understand what he does?

But…he’s too good!

Sure, he went into the field partly for the money, too – so that he can buy his parents health insurance and a house one day. I worry that he’s too nice a person to succeed in this industry, and that he will be extremely disappointed and get stepped on.

He’s not the villain. Will everybody chill out, please?

A lot of people are very angry at investment bankers. It’s important for everyone to remember that not ALL bankers are earning upwards of $500,000 a year. In today’s world of vanishing year-end bonuses, my boyfriend is probably seeing just over $40,000 of compensation after taxes. That’s a respectable salary, but on an hourly basis, he probably barely makes the minimum wage. I want to see him getting the money he deserves for the amount of work he puts in. I see how tired he is. I see how hard he works and how much pride he takes in what he does. I want his bonus to reflect the amount of time he has given to this company. He’ll have to figure out if the life that comes with it is worth it, but that’s not for me to decide.

One of the most interesting aspects about all this has been how my sense of self in relation to the finance industry has changed. The Buddhist/Banker relationship is about accepting ambiguities. Not everything is black or white, right or wrong, healthy or unhealthy. This consists of a five step process.

STEP ONE: totally grossed out by finance and trying to urge him to quit and work in nonprofit.

STEP TWO: resistant to the thought of dating an investment banker (me?! Date one of them?!) Surely this conflicts with my morality and righteous sense of self!

STEP THREE: willing to try to deal with his job because, damn it, you love him you moron.

STEP FOUR: actually LISTENING to him talk about his job and what he does.

STEP FIVE: understanding why he is drawn to it and appreciating his passion, good intentions, and astonishing intellect.

That being said, I definitely still have my moments – you’re going to be in the office til WHAT time??? Oh hell no. That’s what my new support group is for. So far I’m the only member but please feel free to join or refer your friends.