O Me of Little Faith

I posted this already at Prayers for Blowouts — where I’m now an official contributor — but I’m slapping it up here, too, in case you didn’t see it.

As I see it, there are several problems with this banner. A critique:

1. Readability. The flames in the background are a nice touch, but make the banner a little hard to read.

2. Headline. Sure, hell wants new residents, by definition. The evil-er the better. But wouldn’t heaven want them, too? When it comes to being wanted, I think both destinations are concerned with boosting their numbers.

3. Vocabulary. Who really says Whoremongers anymore? Or Fornicators? Attention, signmakers concerned with the eternal destiny of random passers-by: You’re gonna have to contemporize your language. Do you ever hear anyone talking about that hit MTV show “Whoremonger My Ride”? No? Then it’s time for an update. If people need a dictionary to decide whether or not they may be on a certain list in hell, they’ll just become frustrated and continue whatever they were doing before you started yelling at them.

4. Content. “Pot Smokers” is aiming a little low, don’t you think? It is, after all, a gateway drug. You might shoot for those who have passed right through the gateway and on into serious drug use like crack cocaine and meth and ibuprofen. Don’t want those folks to be left out.

5. Scope. Sports Fans? Really? Oh my. Sure, many of them may also be drunkards. And gamblers. And possibly money-lovers (who isn’t?). But if you’re singling them out for debauchery you also ought to single out Investment Bankers, American Idol Viewers, and Pocket Guide Authors. Also Male Figure Skaters.

6. Inclusiveness. You forgot Murderers, Sabbath-breakers, and Democrats. Hypocrites hits a little close to home — so close, I’d hazard you might have been guilty of it at one point or another, putting yourself on your own banner. That won’t do. So I suggest replacing it with one of the above.

You’re welcome.

[H/T: Mrs. Thinky Thoughthead]

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