Beliefnet
Letting Go with Guy Finley

Question: I am struggling to get over a relationship that just felt so good in so many ways. She left me because she had a feeling in her gut that it was not right. I find myself constantly thinking about her and hoping that she will come back to me. Images I see remind me of her and thoughts of her run through my mind all day long. I have tried counselors, medication, readings, and still cannot seem to stop thinking about her.  I know it is over and she is never coming back, but my days are filled with despair and sadness. Is there anything I can do to shake these feelings?

Answer: The real problem isn’t that you miss her — even though there may be strong emotional or other needs that repeatedly surface after being apart for awhile. The real issue is the sense of emptiness you feel. What we must do is free ourselves from the false sense of being incomplete without this or that person or condition in our lives. Otherwise we live as — and remain little more than — slaves of the person or possession we are identified with and “use” to fill the space left by their absence. That’s why only new and true self-knowledge can help us clear away the misunderstanding we have about this life and what we are meant to do with it. There’s nothing wrong with a lovely relationship with a significant other; the point is we can’t share such a communion with anyone until we are whole within ourselves. Then our relationships are out of love instead of need. And believe me, there is a huge difference.

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